Here Isn't The News

Here Isn't The News is a new television program in Georgeland. Loosely based on the British show Have I Got News For You, Here Isn't the News is a weekly panel show where news topics are discussed and various 'games' played, between two teams of two guests each. While points are awarded, there is little value to them, and they are awarded on an arbitrary basis. The topical discussion is usually secondary to the humour and banter between guests and host.

2005 Debut

The pilot for the show was produced in 2000, but not picked up by any network. In 2004, the Georgeland Broadcasting Corporation announced it would commission a run of twelve episodes for its 2005 schedule, but this scheduling was pushed back. On October 14, 2005, the show began its run on the GBC, and immediately proved a big success. After eight episodes, the GBC announced a complete, year-long run, which began in March 2006. The show will return for another complete run in March 2007.

Format

HITN is a panel game/quiz show, with two teams, each consisting of a team captain and one guest. For the first series, the team captains are comedian Neil Hobbes and journalist-turned-humourist Kevin Teal. The host of the show, comedian Robin Edmonds, keeps order and announces proceedings, but then usually allows his guests and panellists to 'run amok'.

Games

Name That Pratt, where a political figure or other celebrity is shown in a photograph doing something silly or hunmourous, but with the face blanked out, and panellists must guess the subject of the photo.

'Missing Words, lifted straight from the British version, where panellists fill in the blanks from headlines seen during the week. For example, in the edition broadcast on November 25, the headline read "PARKER TO SINGAPORE: DON'T _________ AUSTRALIAN", to which Hobbes wittily suggested the missing word was 'miss'.

Captions, where a photograph is provided and panellists are asked to provide a caption.

Buzz Off, a quick-fire buzzer round where panellists buzz in to answer news-related questions posed by Edmonds. Correct answers are rarely given. Example: In the November 18 edition, Edmonds asked the question "For what crime was Gary Glitter under investigation this week in Vietnam", and panellist Leroy Hunt responded 'His Music'.

Mastermind: One player from each team (usually the captain), 'quizzes' the other member of his team on a bizarre and obscure topic, sometimes but not always relating to a news story. Neither team member has access to the answers to the questions, and so the game usually descends into a series of quick jokes about a subject.

Guests

Listed first are the guests from Hobbes' team, followed by Teal's guest.

2005 season

1. (Oct 14) Ben Yaxley and Owen Sinclair
2. (Oct 21) Elizabeth Sharkey and Stephen Morris
3. (Oct 28) Madeline Woods and Leroy Hunt
4. (Nov 4) Leroy Hunt and Barry Tighe
5. (Nov 11) Arthur Daley-Tyne and Ben Yaxley
6. (Nov 18) Leroy Hunt and Moira Jansen
7. (Nov 25) Nathan Kellerman and Jon Yates
8. (Dec 2) Adam Eckles and Trent Laramie

2006 season

1. (Mar 17) Leroy Hunt and Madeline Woods
2. (Mar 24) Bill Bailey and Julia Moffatt
3. (Mar 31) Ross Noble and Sandra Wood
4. (Apr 7) Keith Briggs and Phil Drescher
5. (Apr 14) Rod Lasser and Louise Fenchurch
6. (Apr 21) Deborah Rhodes and Will Gater
7. (Apr 28) Joan Rivers and Julia Moffatt
8. (May 5) Simon Shaffer and Robyn Harriman
9. (May 12) Luke Macaulay and Dylan Moran
10. (May 19) Damien Lewis and Rebecca Monroe
11. (May 26) Jim Cryer and Juliette Tucker
12. (June 2) Madeline Woods and Robert Leak
13. (June 9) Barbara Mathers and Julia Moffatt
14. (June 16) John Kay and Ross Noble
15. (June 23) Fletcher Madden and Duncan Fairbairn
16. (June 30) Campbell Rhodes and Emma Chiltern
17. (July 7) Duncan Fairbairn and Will Ferrell
18. (July 14) Jasmine Margoyles and Eddie Izzard
19. (July 21) Jim Cryer and Ben Elton
20. (July 28) Tim Gainsler and Ross Noble
21. (August 4) Shawn Montgomery and Thomas Nathan
22. (August 11) Peter Khan and Suzie Walker
23. (August 18) Stephen Prentice, Nicole Barry and Jay Hunt
Edmonds was unwell when the show was taped. Neil Hobbes hosted the show, with Hunt replacing him as team captain.
24. (August 25) Ben Leech and P.J. O'Rourke
25. (September 1) Madeline Woods and Stephen Connelly
26. (September 8) Lily Tomlin and Bruce Owens
27. (September 15) Peter Khan and Joanne Mitchum
28. (September 22) John Leahy and Leonard Hand
29. (September 29) Jesse Valiant and Helen Frame
30. (October 6) Arj Barker and Julia Moffatt
31. (October 13) Wil Anderson and Simon Rogers
32. (October 20) Das Singh and Luke Macaulay
33. (October 27) Liam Sims and Peter Getty
34. (November 3) Tim Gainsler and Jim Cryer

2006 Christmas Special

Here Isn't Christmas
A special, 90 minute edition. The teams consisted of three players, two guests per side. On Teal's side were Jim Cryer and Julia Moffatt; Hobbes' side had Campbell Rhodes and Madeline Woods. Ross Noble and Ben Yaxley were 'special guests' in the "Celebrity Mastermind" round, in which Moffatt and Rhodes had to ask the 'guests' questions about subjects neither one knew the answers to. The show aired on December 22. Much humour was derived from Rhodes and Woods, politically opposite, sharing the same team.

2007 season

1. (Mar 16) Robert Leak and Peter Khan
2. (Mar 23) Joanne Gibbons and Mark Duffy
3. (Mar 30) Weird Al Yankovic and Madeline Woods
4. (Apr 6) Archbishop Francis Pollard and Archbishop Simon Breville (Easter Special)
5. (Apr 13) Dale Parris and Ben Yaxley
6. (Apr 20) Michael Steen and Bill Brady
7. (Apr 27) Ross Noble and Jesse Valiant
8. (May 4) Deborah Rhodes and John O'Connell
9. (May 11) Stephen Prentice and Maggie Cobb
10. (May 18) Amy Drudge and Barry Tighe

During the 2007 election campaign, each edition of the show featured one member of parliament or senator from each opposing side

1. (May 25) Wendy Bowen and Will Brown
2. (June 1) Lawrence Porter and Nick Sheridan
3. (June 8) Madeline Woods and Andrea Perkins
4. (June 15) Keith Briggs and Ursula McKinnon
5. (June 22) Alan Swan and Stephen Hamer
6. (June 29) Angela Nallern and Joshua Chan
7. (July 6) Eric Edge, Michael Fisch, Shawn Hedges and Benedict Ingram
   Change of Government Special, featuring two guests a side and all guests were former Conservative leaders (and in two cases, Prime Minister).
8. (July 13) Richard Mulligan and Diana Tracey
9. (July 20) Roxy Hughes and Peter Khan
10. (July 27) Ian Rothman and Margaret Stapleton
11. (August 3) Janeane Garofalo and Ed Tucker
12. (August 10) Alan Rawlings and Kevin Bosley
13. (August 17) Ian Stewart and Roy Collins
14. (August 24) Owen Sinclair and Wendy Bowen
15. (August 31) Rod Welsh and Gemma Kalter
16. (September 7) David Winston and Adam St. John
17. (September 14) Wendy Nixon and Ed Byrne
18. (September 21) Rebecca Jordan-Wiley and Hussein Aziz
19. (September 28) Rick Hope and Miles French
20. (October 5) Madeline Woods and Duncan Knight
21. (October 12) Bill Bailey and Barry Tighe
22. (October 19) Campbell Rhodes and John Biden
23. (October 26) Jacinta Rowe and Cody Shepard (Series final)

2007 Christmas Special

• Here Isn't Christmas Again

The 2007 Christmas Special was broadcast Friday, December 21 and featured four guests instead of the usual two. Teal's team featured David Winston and Michael Elderton, while Hobbes' team featured Sam Carnell and Rebecca Davis. Hussein Aziz appeared in a segment entitled Merry Ramadan. The special was the last programme to be hosted by Robin Edmonds - the final five minutes was a series of clips of Edmonds on the show. Prior to this, Edmonds himself participated in the Name that Pratt round, for which Teal assumed the chair to act as host.

2008 series

The GBC has confirmed that the series will continue to be shown in 2008, with a new series of thirty episodes to begin airing in early March. On January 7, the GBC announced that regular guest Julia Moffatt would be the program's new host for 2008, with Teal and Hobbes remaining as team captains.

Most Appearances

Madeline Woods holds the record for the most appearances on the programme, at eight appearances. The runners-up are Julia Moffatt and Ross Noble with five appearances each.

Memorable Quotes

Robin Edmonds

• "Prime Minister Zoe Parker is flying off to Malta for the Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting. That's C.H.O.G.M., which also stands for Classy Holiday On Government Money"

• "Mrs. Parker met with the new German Chancellor, Angela Merkel. Merkel is described as Germany's Margaret Thatcher. Only without the penis."

• "France is in flames, with thousands of French people rioting against the French government. A French government spokesman says he doesn't understand why people are being destructive to others. Here's an idea: it's because they're FRENCH!"

Kevin Teal

• "The Princess of Japan, right, got married to a commoner, and now she has to relinquish her royal title. Bloody hell - that's bad news for my wife. She's the Queen of Brazil."

General

• Teal: "I don't understand why the Americans don't say to the Iraqis: hey, guys, we're only trying to help."

Hobbes: "That's about right, isn't it? It's like the kid who drops the baby on its head because he was trying to help."

• Edmonds: American Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was subjected to protests in which English city this week?
• Hobbes: Liverpool.
• Edmonds: Correct. Not funny, but correct.
• Ross Noble: Not funny? Well, neither's Liverpool.
  

• Hobbes: I think it's sad that Sam Richardson didn't find out how many friends he had until he died.
• Teal:: I think it's even sadder that one of them was Condoleeza Rice. I mean, what psycho college mixer did he meet her at?
  

• Edmonds: Two miners were finally released from their cage nearly a kilometer underground in Beaconsfield, Australia. Neil, what was their first thought upon exiting the mine?
• Hobbes:: Oh, shit. Still in Australia.
• Teal: The TARDIS wasn't working properly that day...
  

• Edmonds: Does anybody remember when politicians used to be interested in social change and the betterment of their society?
• Hobbes:You just made that up!
• Teal:A politician interested in betterment of society? You are full of it, aren't you, Rob?
• Hobbes:He's just bitter because he can't get Maddy to sleep with him.
• Madeline Woods:Hey, I resent the implication that he's the best I could do!
  

(later in the same show)

• Teal:I'm really sorry Zoe Parker got divorced, but politicians don't need personal lives! They can get free sex whenever they want it...
• Madeline Woods: Someone tell Robin that! He'll run for office!
• Hobbes: Yeah, Maddy, but he might end up in the office next to yours...
• Teal: Drilling holes in the wall...

• Teal: You've got two politicians on your side; one good, one evil.
• Campbell Rhodes: Which of us is the evil one?
• Madeline Woods: I think he was referring to you there.
• Campbell Rhodes: Well, I'll take that. But if Edmonds tries to get it on with me the way he tries it on with you, someone's getting hurt.
• Hobbes: If he wanted to get it on with you he'd need drug testing.
• Campbell Rhodes: As opposed to anybody wanting to get it on with you, who need electro-shock therapy.
• Hobbes:Yeah, that's fair.]