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|Kalserian passport.svg|Kalșerian passport
|Kalserian passport.svg|Kalșerian passport
|Kalseri High Council 2020 map.svg|[[2017 Kalșerian House of Representatives elections|2017]] [[House of Representatives of Kalșeri|House]] map, updated for 2020-11-08
|Kalseri High Council 2020 map.svg|[[2017 Kalșerian House of Representatives elections|2017]] [[House of Representatives of Kalșeri|House]] map, updated for 2020-11-08
|Kalserian postal codes.svg|Postal codes in Kalșeri
|Kalserian House of Representatives 2017.svg|[[House of Representatives of Kalșeri|House]] seats before Republicans became their own party
|Kalserian House of Representatives 2017.svg|[[House of Representatives of Kalșeri|House]] seats before Republicans became their own party
|Kalserian Senate composition 2019.svg|[[Senate of Kalșeri|Senate]] seats in 2019
|Kalserian Senate composition 2019.svg|[[Senate of Kalșeri|Senate]] seats in 2019
|Kalserian House of Representatives 2021.svg|[[House of Representatives of Kalșeri|House]] seats at dissolution for the 2022 elections
|Kalserian House of Representatives 2021.svg|[[House of Representatives of Kalșeri|House]] seats at dissolution for the 2022 elections
}}
}}
==Henkaism restoration dispute==
*1843: Reinard Koșagi (1809–1874) founds the New Henkaist Faith movement (officially the Restored Church of Henka, RCH).
*1847: After a fight concerning the practice of tithing, someone breaks off and creates the True Church of Henka (TCH), which rejects tithing. The TCH lasts for about ten years before the founder gets bored with it.
*1874: Koșagi dies, and the Church of Henka is disestablished. survived by his children and grandchildren. Most of these dismiss Reinard as a kooky old grandpa, but one of Reinard's children, Eli (1836–1922), re-establishes the Restored Church of Henka.
*1922: Eli Koșagi dies. His son Lando (1868–1957) becomes the leader of the RCH.
*1957: Lando's son Ludovikus (1900–1973) takes the reins.
*1973: Ludovikus's second-in-command Novașanus Lișugi (1922–2016) becomes the leader of the RCH. (Ludovikus did not have children.)
*1995: Ioen Petrus Samenhal establishes the New Serigéa Organization, and styles himself as Father Lerfuan, a highly charismatic leader with an abrasive but calculated manner of speaking.
Lișugi calls Samenhal all sorts of names, from "blasphemous" to "buffoon". RCH insists that ''it'', not the NSgO, is the legitimate organization, but NSgO makes use of TV, radio and (later) the Internet, ergo ''it'', not the RCH, wields more power. Of course, the NSgO and the RCH accuse each other of getting the theology wrong.
; The debate in a nutshell.
*NSgO: "lmao RCH, you had all these years to build up a base, and you didn't"
*RCH: "at least we're not a bunch of smug A-holes who go around insulting Christians and scamming the State!"
*NSgO: "we're cool and hip with the youth! y'all are a bunch of poor fossils. prolly don't even know how to turn on a tv lol"
*RCH: "aight imma tell the State you're scamming them >:( ps: your buildings, robes and interpretations are all fake"
*NSgO: "no u"
*Kalșeri: "we're not getting dragged into this. sort it out yourselves, ya bozos."
==Miscellaneous laws==
*Since 1978, it is illegal to refer to married women as "Mrs. (husband's full name)" in official communication: the woman's actual name must be used instead.
**Reasoning: President Nikoleta Larongi viewed this custom as a hangover of {{W|coverture}} laws, which had been abolished in Kalșeri throughout the 1950s and 1960s.
*School attendance awards are illegal. Reasoning: to prevent ill students from attending school and causing discomfort to other students.
*Before a company is allowed to purchase another one, the purchasing company must submit a plan to clear the outstanding debt of the company about to be purchased, and the purchased company must reveal all outstanding debt. The plan must then be validated by the cantonal Department of Finance (or the Ministry of Finance, in case the two companies are headquartered in different cantons). Failure to meet the plan often incurs a fine equal to 5% of the net profit reported for the last quarter.
*British royals are disqualified from all public positions in Kalșeri.
*Polygraph tests are inadmissible as evidence.
*Evalria: noisy tools, such as lawnmowers, jackhammers, drills and string trimmers, cannot be used between 10 PM and 9 AM. Glass cannot be collected by garbage trucks on Sundays.
*Evalria, Janval, Lág: some municipalities impose restrictions on the passage of dirt bikes in residential neighborhoods.
*Evalria: using the R-word (pejorative for people with intellectual disabilities) became a hate crime in 2019.
*Evalria, Lág, New Lothian, San Rafael, Takalim, Urgel: home births are illegal.


==Ronhem TV==
==Ronhem TV==
Line 668: Line 698:
*Historical sites and other points of attraction: <span style=color:white>{{highlight|white on claret|#811331}}</span>
*Historical sites and other points of attraction: <span style=color:white>{{highlight|white on claret|#811331}}</span>
*Municipality boundary markers: <span style=color:gold>{{highlight|yellow on blue|#0F4378}}</span>
*Municipality boundary markers: <span style=color:gold>{{highlight|yellow on blue|#0F4378}}</span>
**Not used on highways.
*Settlement boundary markers: black on white, with municipality in parentheses below
*Settlement boundary markers: black on white, with municipality in parentheses below
*Street name signs: black on white, with logo/coat of arms of settlement/municipality on the left and postal code on the bottom-right corner in red (may be attached to a pole or on a wall)
*Street name signs: black on white, with logo/coat of arms of settlement/municipality on the left and postal code on the bottom-right corner in red (may be attached to a pole or on a wall)
Line 679: Line 710:
*Stop/Egi: everywhere else
*Stop/Egi: everywhere else


"Kalșeri drives on the RIGHT/Kalșeri fal GÓSEIE" and "Thin'''km'''etric" signs in Evalria-Holbek Airport, Cape Sundervale port and airport, Goldshore and Piombino ports
"Kalșeri drives on the RIGHT/Kalșeri fal GÓSEIE" and "Thin'''km'''etric" signs in Evalria-Holbek Airport, Cape Sundervale port and airport, Goldshore and Plymouth ports


Font: Highway Gothic? DIN 1451? Transport? Paneuropa Highway? SNV? Frutiger? Univers Bold+Condensed?
Font: Highway Gothic? DIN 1451? Transport? SNV? Frutiger? Univers Bold+Condensed?


Signatory to the Vienna Convention on Roads and Signals.
Signatory to the Vienna Convention on Roads and Signals.
Line 699: Line 730:
*Matt Renfrew (1945): drums
*Matt Renfrew (1945): drums
*Uiliam Kádagi (1949): bass guitar
*Uiliam Kádagi (1949): bass guitar
'''How did they become popular?''' Unique lyrics, initially from the holy texts of the Kalserian religion of yore, and exploring a sound that had only been hinted until then in Kalserian music.
'''Why did the band dissolve?''' Three main reasons:
#Rigi's budding solo career, which caused scheduling conflicts,
#Droste and Kádagi wanting to pursue a more radio-friendly sound, and Rigi insisting on sticking to what made the first albums work, and...
#Drugs. Lots of them.
'''What happened to them?'''
*Rigi would go on to become a successful solo artist. He died in a car crash in 2014 at the age of 69.
*Droste joined a bunch of groups, with a side gig as a solo artist.
*Renfew and Verapalgi checked into a drug rehab center in 1983.
**Renfrew has since become a music teacher.
**Verapalgi would be found dead due to a drug overdose; this would lead fellow band member and ''raller'' Uiliam Kádagi to renounce drugs and alcohol.
*Scarred by the death of Verapalgi, a fellow band member and ''raller'', Kádagi refused to touch drugs and alcohol again, and became a spokesperson for the National Association for the Prevention of Drug and Alcohol Abuse (NAPDAA). He served as a Liberal Democratic alderman for Rochelle County, KL from 1985 to 2005, and tried to run for several offices. Oh, and he would star in a few PSAs where he tried to sound cool to kids watching; these commercials found new life as sources for memes due to their awkwardness. He retired from his music career after the 2011 reunion concert, and now lives in Rochelle County, KL, with his wife and family.


The band held several reunion concerts, the last of which was held in memory of Ionas Rigi. Since then, Droste and Renfrew stated that continuing the KGF experiment without Rigi wouldn't make any sense, but fans are still hoping... Reunion line-ups (1989, 1996, 2004, 2011, 2015):
The band held several reunion concerts, the last of which was held in memory of Ionas Rigi. Since then, Droste and Renfrew stated that continuing the KGF experiment without Rigi wouldn't make any sense, but fans are still hoping... Reunion line-ups (1989, 1996, 2004, 2011, 2015):
Line 712: Line 758:
*Uiliam Kádagi (1949): bass guitar (2004, 2011)
*Uiliam Kádagi (1949): bass guitar (2004, 2011)
*George Sanz: bass guitar (2015)
*George Sanz: bass guitar (2015)
'''How did they become popular?''' Unique lyrics, initially from the holy texts of the Kalserian religion of yore, and exploring a sound that had only been hinted until then in Kalserian music.<br>
'''Why did the band dissolve?''' Two main reasons: Rigi's budding solo career, which caused creative differences and scheduling conflicts, and drugs.
*Rigi would go on to become a successful solo artist. He died in a car crash in 2014 at the age of 69.
*Droste joined a bunch of groups, with a side gig as a solo artist.
*Renfew and Verapalgi checked into a drug rehab center in 1983.
**Renfrew has since become a music teacher.
**Verapalgi would be found dead due to a drug overdose; this would lead fellow band member and ''raller'' Uiliam Kádagi to renounce drugs and alcohol.
*Scarred by the death of Verapalgi, a fellow band member and ''raller'', Kádagi refused to touch drugs and alcohol again, and became a spokesperson for the National Association for the Prevention of Drug and Alcohol Abuse (NAPDAA). He served as a Liberal Democratic alderman for Rochelle County, KL from 1985 to 2005, and tried to run for several offices. Oh, and he would star in a few PSAs where he tried to sound cool to kids watching; these commercials found new life as sources for memes due to their awkwardness. He retired from his music career after the 2011 reunion concert, and now lives in Rochelle County, KL, with his wife and kids.


===Great Plains Music Bash===
===Great Plains Music Bash===

Latest revision as of 19:49, 3 October 2024

Bits and bobs related to Kalșeri. This is where I flesh out ideas until they become worthy of their own articles.

Image dump

Images I might use in the future.

  • Kalșerian passport

    Kalșerian passport

  • 2017 House map, updated for 2020-11-08

    2017 House map, updated for 2020-11-08

  • House seats before Republicans became their own party

    House seats before Republicans became their own party

  • Senate seats in 2019

    Senate seats in 2019

  • House seats at dissolution for the 2022 elections

    House seats at dissolution for the 2022 elections

Henkaism restoration dispute

  • 1843: Reinard Koșagi (1809–1874) founds the New Henkaist Faith movement (officially the Restored Church of Henka, RCH).
  • 1847: After a fight concerning the practice of tithing, someone breaks off and creates the True Church of Henka (TCH), which rejects tithing. The TCH lasts for about ten years before the founder gets bored with it.
  • 1874: Koșagi dies, and the Church of Henka is disestablished. survived by his children and grandchildren. Most of these dismiss Reinard as a kooky old grandpa, but one of Reinard's children, Eli (1836–1922), re-establishes the Restored Church of Henka.
  • 1922: Eli Koșagi dies. His son Lando (1868–1957) becomes the leader of the RCH.
  • 1957: Lando's son Ludovikus (1900–1973) takes the reins.
  • 1973: Ludovikus's second-in-command Novașanus Lișugi (1922–2016) becomes the leader of the RCH. (Ludovikus did not have children.)
  • 1995: Ioen Petrus Samenhal establishes the New Serigéa Organization, and styles himself as Father Lerfuan, a highly charismatic leader with an abrasive but calculated manner of speaking.

Lișugi calls Samenhal all sorts of names, from "blasphemous" to "buffoon". RCH insists that it, not the NSgO, is the legitimate organization, but NSgO makes use of TV, radio and (later) the Internet, ergo it, not the RCH, wields more power. Of course, the NSgO and the RCH accuse each other of getting the theology wrong.

The debate in a nutshell.
  • NSgO: "lmao RCH, you had all these years to build up a base, and you didn't"
  • RCH: "at least we're not a bunch of smug A-holes who go around insulting Christians and scamming the State!"
  • NSgO: "we're cool and hip with the youth! y'all are a bunch of poor fossils. prolly don't even know how to turn on a tv lol"
  • RCH: "aight imma tell the State you're scamming them >:( ps: your buildings, robes and interpretations are all fake"
  • NSgO: "no u"
  • Kalșeri: "we're not getting dragged into this. sort it out yourselves, ya bozos."

Miscellaneous laws

  • Since 1978, it is illegal to refer to married women as "Mrs. (husband's full name)" in official communication: the woman's actual name must be used instead.
    • Reasoning: President Nikoleta Larongi viewed this custom as a hangover of coverture laws, which had been abolished in Kalșeri throughout the 1950s and 1960s.
  • School attendance awards are illegal. Reasoning: to prevent ill students from attending school and causing discomfort to other students.
  • Before a company is allowed to purchase another one, the purchasing company must submit a plan to clear the outstanding debt of the company about to be purchased, and the purchased company must reveal all outstanding debt. The plan must then be validated by the cantonal Department of Finance (or the Ministry of Finance, in case the two companies are headquartered in different cantons). Failure to meet the plan often incurs a fine equal to 5% of the net profit reported for the last quarter.
  • British royals are disqualified from all public positions in Kalșeri.
  • Polygraph tests are inadmissible as evidence.
  • Evalria: noisy tools, such as lawnmowers, jackhammers, drills and string trimmers, cannot be used between 10 PM and 9 AM. Glass cannot be collected by garbage trucks on Sundays.
  • Evalria, Janval, Lág: some municipalities impose restrictions on the passage of dirt bikes in residential neighborhoods.
  • Evalria: using the R-word (pejorative for people with intellectual disabilities) became a hate crime in 2019.
  • Evalria, Lág, New Lothian, San Rafael, Takalim, Urgel: home births are illegal.

Ronhem TV

Ronhem TV
Industry Mass media
Founded May 3, 1956; 68 years ago (1956-05-03) in Evalria, Kalșeri
Founder Lando Kunarfon Sr.
Headquarters Evalria, Kalșeri
Area served
 Kalșeri
Key people
 Lando Kunarfon III (CEO)
Owner Ronhem Media Group
Website ronhemtv.kl

Ronhem Arkasarkoní, doing business as Ronhem TV (/ˈrɔn(h)em/; literally "water-sun"), is a Kalhan-language free-to-air television network owned by Ronhem Media Group, wholly controlled by the Kunarfon family. Launched in 1956, Ronhem TV is the third-oldest national television channel of Kalșeri, and the oldest channel broadcasting exclusively in Kalhan.

A member of the "Gang of Five" (the others being KalCom, the KBC, JC Eldridge and be5), Ronhem TV is a general entertainment channel that shows mostly original programming, and sometimes dubs and adaptations of foreign media, mostly from Europe.

History

Ronhem TV was founded in 1956 by Lando Kunarfon Sr., a senior journalist working for Kalhan-language newspaper Iohenkinxirdonia, with funding from the newspaper and, occasionally, the Institute of the Kalhan Language (Raladure). At its launch, Ronhem TV focused on arts and culture, and produced programs discussing the status of Kalhan speakers in the country, as well as programs promoting the Kalhan language. As part of the agreement to fund the channel, Iohenkinxirdonia was the sole purveyor of news for Ronhem TV

1989 was a year of change for Ronhem TV, as be5 launched and Iohenkinxirdonia sold its shares. Cultural programming was scaled back in favor of more generalist entertainment, and Ronhem began to import foreign programming, either through dubs or adaptations.

Criticism

Linguistic policy

Political views

Ronhem TV has hosted several shows where people advocated for Kalhan nationalism.



Golden Sun Person of the Year

Introduced in 1934. Entries are published on January 7 of the following year.

Year Person Nationality Lifetime Notes Runners-up
1934 Walter Tillson Kalșeri Kalșeri 1879–1944 Became Prime Minister of Kalșeri after the 1934 general election.
1935 Kensington R. Johnson Kalșeri Kalșeri 1865–1948 Elected first President under the parliamentary Charter of 1934.
1937 Ignașus Holbek Kalșeri Kalșeri 1871–1953 Became Prime Minister of Kalșeri after the 1937 general election.
1940 Winston Churchill United Kingdom United Kingdom 1874–1965 Prime Minister of the United Kingdom during the Dunkirk evacuation and the Battle of Britain.
1941 Franklin D. Roosevelt United States United States 1882–1945 President of the United States who oversaw the New Deal and the attack on Pearl Harbor.
1942 Georgius Tógisi Kalșeri Kalșeri 1871–1957 Chief of Staff of the Kalșerian Navy who planned the expansion of the Kalșerian Navy fleet.
1944 Dwight D. Eisenhower United States United States 1890–1969 Supreme Allied Commander in Europe during the Battle of Normandy.
1945 Harry S. Truman United States United States 1884–1972 Truman took over as President of the United States after the death of Franklin D. Roosevelt. United Kingdom Clement Attlee
1946 Jean Monnet France France 1888–1979 Monnet was the leading figure in the implementation of the plan to revitalize the French economy; the plan is thus known as the "Monnet Plan".
1951 Mohammad Mossadegh Iran Iran 1882–1967 Prime Minister of Iran who expelled western oil companies.
1952 Elizabeth II United Kingdom United Kingdom 1926–2022 Elizabeth II acceded to the throne of the United Kingdom and the Commonwealth realms, succeeding her father, George VI. Kalșeri Enrico Scioni
1956 Imre Nagy Hungary Hungary 1896–1958 For his role in the Hungarian Revolution of 1956. Egypt Gamal Abdel Nasser
United Kingdom Anthony Eden
1959 Fidel Castro Cuba Cuba 1926–2016 Revolutionary who was sworn in as Prime Minister of Cuba on February 16 of that year.
1961 John F. Kennedy United States United States 1882–1945 President of the United States who ordered the failed invasion of Cuba.
1962 James H. Lockney Kalșeri Kalșeri 1902–1989 Became Prime Minister of Kalșeri after the 1962 general election.
1966 Rían Dalgi Kalșeri Kalșeri 1925–2001 Director of the film Deepest Blue, the highest-grossing film made in Kalșeri at the time.
1968 The Prague Freedom Fighter Czech Republic Czechoslovakia Prague Spring.
1969 Raimund Tógisi Kalșeri Kalșeri 1907–1995 Became Prime Minister of Kalșeri after being elected Leader of the Social Cooperation Party, replacing Eduard Hals.
1974 Gerald Ford United States United States 1913–2006 Became President of the United States after the resignation of Richard Nixon. Greece Konstantinos Karamanlis
1975 Andrei Sakharov Soviet Union Soviet Union 1921–1989 Nobel Peace Prize laureate. Spain Juan Carlos I
1977 Nikoleta Larongi Kalșeri Kalșeri Born 1932 First woman to be elected President of Kalșeri. Egypt Anwar Sadat
Kalșeri John L. Schumann
United States Jimmy Carter
1978 Menachem Begin, Jimmy Carter and Anwar Sadat Egypt Egypt (Sadat)
Israel Israel (Begin)
United States United States (Carter)		 1913–1992 (Begin)
1918–1981 (Sadat)
Born 1924 (Carter)		 Camp David Accords. China Deng Xiaoping
Italy Vatican City John Paul I
Poland Vatican City John Paul II
1981 John Paul II Poland Poland / Vatican City Vatican City 1920–2005 The Pope was shot and wounded on 13 May of that year. United States Ronald Reagan
Spain Juan Carlos I
1982 Margaret Thatcher United Kingdom United Kingdom 1925–2013 Prime Minister of the United Kingdom during the Falklands War. Kalșeri M. Hugh Baetzing
1983 M. Hugh Baetzing Kalșeri Kalșeri 1927–2013 Right-wing political commentator, founder of the Reform Party. Argentina Raúl Alfonsín
1989 Phil Garner Kalșeri Kalșeri Born 1941 Became Prime Minister of Kalșeri after the 1989 general election. Soviet Union Mikhail Gorbachev
Kalșeri Thomas Bachmann
1990 Helmut Kohl Germany West Germany/Germany 1896–1958 Chancellor of West Germany who oversaw the reunification of Germany. Chile Patricio Aylwin
1991 Boris Yeltsin Soviet Union Soviet Union/Russia Russia 1931–2007 Yeltsin was the first democratically elected President of Russia, and was a key figure in the resistance to the attempted coup d'état. Kalșeri Louise Beckmann
United States George H. W. Bush
United States Magic Johnson
Kalșeri William P. O'Grady
1992 Bill Clinton United States United States Born 1946 Clinton was elected President of the United States, defeating George H. W. Bush. France Jacques Delors
United States Ross Perot
1997 Quincy Haroldson Kalșeri Kalșeri 1972–1997 KALMORA driver killed on July 19, 1997, during the Western Kaluonian Rye. His death prompted a Congress inquiry into the safety of KALMORA events, and would result in the Association adopting HANS devices.
1999 Evalria Citizens F.C. Kalșeri Kalșeri Evalria Citizens won all domestic association football trophies in the 1999 season. Kalșeri Alejandra Ríos Soriano
2001 Rudy Giuliani United States United States Born 1944 Mayor of New York City during the September 11 attacks. Kalșeri Domingo Cardo
Kalșeri Frederikus Ronaigi
Kalșeri Joshua Clarendon-Novak
2005 John Paul II Poland Poland / Vatican City Vatican City 1920–2005 The Pope died on April 2 of that year. Kalșeri Jim Ryman and Phil Grammatico
Kalșeri Maude Haughey
2008 Barack Obama United States United States Born 1961 First black person to be elected President of the United States.
2009 Sebastianus Linș Kalșeri Kalșeri Born 1962 Became Prime Minister of Kalșeri after the 2009 general election, in the midst of the Great Recession.
2014 Maksimilianus Ureska Kalșeri Kalșeri Born 1969 Became Prime Minister of Kalșeri after the 2014 general election.
2016 Donald Trump United States United States Born 1946 Trump was elected President of the United States, defeating Hillary Clinton. United Kingdom David Bowie
2019 Richard Nakamura Kalșeri Kalșeri Born 1947 First person of Asian descent to be elected President of Kalșeri.
2020 Joe Biden United States United States Born 1942 Biden was elected President of the United States, defeating Donald Trump.
2021 The Health Care Worker Chosen to recognize workers in the health care sector who helped contain the COVID-19 pandemic. Kalșeri Frank Zanin
2022 The Iranian Woman Iran Iran Recognizing the Iranians who took part in the protests following the death of Mahsa Amini. Argentina Lionel Messi
Brazil Lula
Chile Gabriel Boric
Italy Giorgia Meloni
Ukraine Volodymyr Zelenskyy
Kalșeri Steve Jurgensen and Jon McKendrick
2023 The Palestinian Civilian Palestine Palestine Recognizing civilians who lost their lives during the Israel–Hamas war.

KALMORA driver songs

Played when introducing a driver, and when said driver gets into the podium. The theme for the reigning champion is Also sprach Zarathustra, Op. 30: Sonnenaufgang by Richard Strauss. Once a driver retires, a one-year waiting period is usually enacted before their song can be reclaimed.

  • Patrick Allard: Modjo - Chillin'
  • Roberto de Amicis: Roberta Hewey - Jalhensegi
  • Chris Anselmi: Trivium - In Flames
  • Héctor Ariza: Ionas Rigi - Nafórtaton Kompósare Nau 3 (Voiceless Composition No. 3)
  • Russell Bakatin: Simply Red - Sunrise
  • Bobby Blanchard III: Cream - Sunshine Of Your Love
  • Jeffrey Curry: U2 - Vertigo
  • Jenny Ewing: Taylor Swift - Look What You Made Me Do
  • Diana Gainsborough: Foreigner - Urgent
  • Burhan al-Ghazzawi: 2pac, Big Skye - All Eyez On Me
  • Zack Jovanovich: Van Halen - Panama
  • Arthur Lémieux: Willy William - Ego
  • Vic Martin: The Rucki - Skeletons
  • Aaron Mellinger: Metallica - Jump In the Fire (personal)
  • Dylan Moore: Threshold - Mission Profile
  • Julien Moret: Bruno Mars - Locked out of Heaven
  • Steven Nance: Van Halen - Jump
  • Kyle Olsson: XHR - When Liberty Dies
  • Jimmy Reed: AC/DC - It's a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock 'N' Roll)
  • Ralph Torridge: Antonio Vivaldi - Summer in G Minor, RV. 315: III. Presto
  • Tom Wilkins: The Rasmus - In The Shadows
  • Ashley Wilson: Genesis - Invisible Touch
  • Xu Jianhong: Jamiroquai - Seven Days In Sunny June
  • Wendell Zhou: Apollo 440 - Stop The Rock

Former drivers

  • Josh Anselmi: Ludacris - Move Bitch
  • Jerry Briggs: 100 gecs - stupid horse
  • Lyndon Hess: Junior Senior - Move Your Feet
  • Ray Jarver: Elton John - Saturday Night's Alright (For Fighting)
  • Harvey Keane: Aerosmith - Rag Doll
  • Fritz Langston: Michael Jackson - Beat It
  • Fred Mazzacorta: Måneskin - I Wanna Be Your Slave
  • Steve O'Donovan: Megadeth - Holy Wars... The Punishment Due
  • David Olayinka: Porter Robinson - Shelter
  • Toby Osborne: Pint Shot Riot - Not Thinking Straight
  • Jean-François Preud'homme: Vangelis - Dervish D.
  • Paul Stetson: Eminem - Not Afraid
  • Phil Taylor: Stryknyna - Oi!
  • Tom VanHuizen: Steely Dan - Kings

The Tigupoke Trail

August or October? 236 km (146.6 mi), the road distance from Cape Scorpion to Finisterra, at the Tigupoke National Speedway. Invitation tournament. No distinction based on sex or gender. Winner donates a sum of money to charity.

Hosted by [KalCom? JC Eldridge?], financed by beef magnate William O'Swiney. Cars: Cassini C4 Brands Hatch, painted following the traditional national schemes. Two drivers per country. More than 26 participants: Euro Group and World Group, mini-event that lasts 1/2 of the main event, and then the best six from each group participate in the main event.

Bold denotes a new entry.

Year Sponsor Number of countries Euro Group World Group
2010 Knirsch Supermarkets 7 Flag of France.svg France, Flag of Germany.svg Germany, Flag of Italy.svg Italy, Flag of Japan.svg Japan, Kalșeri Kalșeri, Flag of the United Kingdom.svg United Kingdom, Flag of the United States.svg United States
2011 Rood Jooce 8 Flag of Canada.svg Canada, Flag of France.svg France, Flag of Germany.svg Germany, Flag of Italy.svg Italy, Flag of Japan.svg Japan, Kalșeri Kalșeri, Flag of the United Kingdom.svg United Kingdom, Flag of the United States.svg United States
2012 BetKal 12 Flag of Austria.svg Austria, Flag of Canada.svg Canada, Flag of France.svg France, Flag of Germany.svg Germany, Flag of Italy.svg Italy, Flag of Japan.svg Japan, Kalșeri Kalșeri, Flag of Russia.svg Russia, Flag of Spain.svg Spain, Flag of the United Kingdom.svg United Kingdom, Flag of the United States.svg United States
2013 Calanserica Dental Clinics 14 Flag of Austria.svg Austria, Flag of France.svg France, Flag of Germany.svg Germany, Flag of Italy.svg Italy, Flag of Russia.svg Russia, Flag of Spain.svg Spain, Flag of the United Kingdom.svg United Kingdom Flag of Argentina.svg Argentina, Flag of Australia.svg Australia, Flag of Brazil.svg Brazil, Flag of Canada.svg Canada, Flag of Japan.svg Japan, Kalșeri Kalșeri, Flag of the United States.svg United States
2014 AgriBank 14 Flag of Austria.svg Austria, Flag of France.svg France, Flag of Germany.svg Germany, Flag of Italy.svg Italy, Flag of the Netherlands.svg Netherlands, Flag of Spain.svg Spain, Flag of the United Kingdom.svg United Kingdom Flag of Argentina.svg Argentina, Flag of Australia.svg Australia, Flag of Brazil.svg Brazil, Flag of Canada.svg Canada, Flag of Japan.svg Japan, Kalșeri Kalșeri, Flag of the United States.svg United States
2015 Ingersoll Constructions 15 Flag of Austria.svg Austria, Flag of France.svg France, Flag of Germany.svg Germany, Flag of Ireland.svg Ireland, Flag of Italy.svg Italy, Flag of the Netherlands.svg Netherlands, Flag of Spain.svg Spain, Flag of the United Kingdom.svg United Kingdom Flag of Argentina.svg Argentina, Flag of Australia.svg Australia, Flag of Brazil.svg Brazil, Flag of Canada.svg Canada, Flag of Japan.svg Japan, Kalșeri Kalșeri, Flag of the United States.svg United States
2016 KaGi 17 Flag of Austria.svg Austria, Flag of Belgium.svg Belgium, Flag of France.svg France, Flag of Germany.svg Germany, Flag of Italy.svg Italy, Flag of the Netherlands.svg Netherlands, Flag of Russia.svg Russia, Flag of Spain.svg Spain, Flag of the United Kingdom.svg United Kingdom Flag of Argentina.svg Argentina, Flag of Australia.svg Australia, Flag of Brazil.svg Brazil, Flag of Canada.svg Canada, Flag of Japan.svg Japan, Kalșeri Kalșeri, Flag of South Korea.svg South Korea, Flag of the United States.svg United States
2017 BetKal 16 Flag of France.svg France, Flag of Germany.svg Germany, Flag of Italy.svg Italy, Flag of the Netherlands.svg Netherlands, Flag of Russia.svg Russia, Flag of Spain.svg Spain, Flag of the United Kingdom.svg United Kingdom Flag of Argentina.svg Argentina, Flag of Australia.svg Australia, Flag of Brazil.svg Brazil, Flag of Canada.svg Canada, Flag of Japan.svg Japan, Kalșeri Kalșeri, Flag of New Zealand.svg New Zealand, Flag of South Korea.svg South Korea, Flag of the United States.svg United States
2018 Kahn Food Supplements 17 Flag of France.svg France, Flag of Germany.svg Germany, Flag of Italy.svg Italy, Flag of the Netherlands.svg Netherlands, Flag of Russia.svg Russia, Flag of Spain.svg Spain, Flag of the United Kingdom.svg United Kingdom Flag of Argentina.svg Argentina, Flag of Australia.svg Australia, Flag of Brazil.svg Brazil, Flag of Canada.svg Canada, Flag of Japan.svg Japan, Kalșeri Kalșeri, Flag of New Zealand.svg New Zealand, Flag of South Korea.svg South Korea, Flag of the United Arab Emirates.svg United Arab Emirates, Flag of the United States.svg United States
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Segregated institutions

Similar to the Dutch pillarisation. Used to be a big deal in the early 20th century, now they are like "fossils" that identify a person's position only vaguely; the Rovuanist pillar is the only one that has kept itself somewhat intact since the 1970s.

People Socialists Liberals Christians Kalhan nationalists Rovuanists
Political parties Kalhan Front (until 1934)
Social Cooperation Party (since 1934)

National Ralagi Workers' Party (minor, Kalhan-language)
Social Democratic Party (minor, Kalhan-language)

Liberal Republican Party (until 1959)
Liberal Democratic Party (since 1959)		 Christian Democratic Party (until 1959)
Liberal Democratic Party (1959-present)

Christian Democratic Reunion (since 2001)
Ralagia Christian Democratic Party (minor, Kalhan-language)

Seri Ralagiau (since 1969)

Kalhan Independence Party (minor)
Șin Kalhanton Rialeri (minor)
Kalhan National Union (minor)

Movement for Action (since 1930)
Trade unions Confederation of Workers' Trade Unions (CoWoTU) National Union of Labor (NUL) Union of Christian Workers' Unions (UCWU) (until 1979)
National Union of Labor (since 1979)		 Association for the Mutual Assistance of Workers (AMAW) Federation of Corporations and Workers (FeCoW)
Student unions General Union of College and University Students Union of Kalșerian Students Our Students Students in Action
Sports and recreative unions Rigiameneria/Workers' Sport Unions Kulturameneria/Unions of Cultural Activity St. Mary's Athletic Clubs Ieșkal Meneria/All-Kalșerian Sports Unions Rialmeneria/National Sporting Unions
Newspapers Times of Kalșeri (sometimes)
Kalșerian Independent		 Golden Sun
Kalșerian Telegraph
Callanserrian Herald		 Kalșerian Telegraph (until the 1960s)
The Morning Gazette (Catholics)
The Observer (non-Catholics)

Minor publications

Iohenkinxirdonia The National Standard
National Echo
Radio stations Workers' Broadcasting Union Kalșerian Union of Radio Services Association of Christian Broadcasters Kalahanis-arkanure (KalAN) Institute of Broadcasting for a New Country
Vehicles Calanserica Motor Group brands WilMeck brands

Family symbols

Important Kalhan-speaking families bear a symbol (namarka) that represents each family. Namarkia are usually conferred upon a member of a family achieving an important social position, and are usually drawn from the surname. While any family may adopt or be given a namarka, this practice is usually a ralagi specificity.

A registry of all documented namarkia is kept by the New Lothian Registry of Family Marks. While the Registry assigns each namarka to one family, it may be used by multiple families bearing the surname.

  • Miagi of Hartleyville (Ioans Miagi): two Ms
  • Ninkoșagi of Hutchinson (Emilius Ninkoșagi): simplified antlers
  • Úkegi (Baldvin Úkegi): a stylized Old Kalhan letter U
  • Ureska Úslarfi (Maksimilianus Ureska): a stylized winged foot

The usage of namarkia has extended to corporations and public entities. While not required by law, some companies publish official documents with the signature of the person(s) and a stamp of the symbol. While the symbols adopted by companies are often called namarka, they are not namarkia: rather, they are officially called konimarkia ("company marks").

Chalmersville City FC

Rivals to fellow Yarkies Zeitgeist Chalmersville FC.

On October 9, 1959, after a recall vote that followed a particularly bad run, George W. Stanford II is removed from the post of President of Evalria Citizens. Stanford quits, and his supporters follow suit.

Stanford then muses the idea of buying one of Evalria's other two clubs: Jucunditas and Tașarél Cavaliers. The former immediately say no; the latter are more open, as the aging owner is thinking about retiring, but someone else buys Tașarél Cavaliers instead. Stanford then comes up with the idea of creating a fourth professional football club in Evalria, and call it with the imaginative name of... Evalria United FC. Problem is, there's nowhere for the club to play. Nowhere that is deemed suitable to Stanford's eyes, anyway.

Percy and Lennoxton are already two-club cities. Stanford thinks about moving his boys to Hartleyville, but everyone in New Lothian tells him to bug off, as they will "only ever support our Harts". Chalmersville is the next-best market that hasn't shut the door yet. Stanford gets in, and in 1962, the club changes its name to the creative... Chalmersville City FC.

Stanford buddies up with the mayor and asks him to have a stadium built. Wish granted: the 25,000-seater Chalmersville City Stadium (which will change its name to Henry J. Colavino Stadium some years later) is built.

Zeitgeist's 60-year professional football monopoly is over, and they are not happy about it.

The Zeitgeist-City rivalry is among the most bitter in Kalșeri, but it's not as common as other rivalries.

Navy stuff

Naval ensign of Kalșeri

Prefix: KRS (Kalșerian Republic Ship, for ships used by the Kalșerian Navy), KCGC (Kalșerian Coast Guard Cutter)

Names: Cantons, cities, former Presidents, Serigéa deities, former Supreme Court judges, former Ministers of Defense, former High Summoners, Kings of Lág (numerals replaced by the traditional nickname of each king)

Active

  • KRS Cape Sundervale
  • KRS Cartier Island
  • KRS Chalmersville
  • KRS Evalria
  • KRS Janval
  • KRS Kalúen
  • KRS Lág
  • KRS New Kerry
  • KRS New Lothian
  • KRS San Rafael
  • KRS Takalim
  • KRS Tigupoke
  • KRS Urgel
  • KRS Christophe-Marie Martin
  • KRS Victor Espeland
  • KRS

Decommissioned

KRS Iușa (1932-1959)

Kalserian religion

Serigéa, established around 500 BC, ostracized in the mid-1500s (conversion of King Joseph to Catholicism), popular again after the foundation of New Serigéa in 1995 by Father Lerfuan (Ioen Petrus Samenhal).

Pantheon:

  • Henka, god of the Sun and of war
    • Henka is considered the ancestor of all Kings of Lag.
  • Ronjon, goddess of the Water and Henka's wife
  • Lalis, Henka's brother, god of the Moon and of the intellect
  • Aresi, god of Earth
  • Kalahanis, child of Aresi, god of Radina and the surrounding islands.
  • Lérajon, Kalhanis's daughter, goddess of the forests.
  • Ganamal, god of rivers, son of Henka and Ronjon
  • Garius, Henka's wicked brother, thrown into the Eternal Pit after losing the first "good vs. evil" battle to Henka. Mostly mentioned en passant, Garius is just... kinda there.
  • Noși, Henka's valiant avian steed, a sizable great egret-like creature.
    • Fun fact: noși is the Kalhan term for "bird", supplanting an earlier term. "Noshee", an Anglicized version of Noși, is the call sign of KalAir.

Many local gods.

New Serigéa add a millenarianistic bit: Garius, Henka's antagonist and King of faiths that actively deceive people, will come back. New personality traits: wants to reign alone, does not accept others taking his place, demands absolute obedience... God complex made into a god.

Life on Earth will end just before the ultimate battle, where Henka and his relatives and allies will triumph over Garius. For the battle to begin, Garius will have to emerge first; only then will Henka descend on earth.

The "Second coming of Garius" has been criticized by some scholars as "puerile fabrications by a vindictive man". Possible manipulation by Grigor Kónagi.

Sariaseri (House of the Gods): circular, lots of limestone, amphitheater-like, center dipped in water. Open masses. Reception-esque desk.

New Serigéa Organization

Criticisms: distorsion of the traditional Serigéa; neo-paganism; links to anti-Christian positions and calling monotheists "ignorant"; pro-life stance; cases of bribery of local governments; de-facto exclusivism (most members are Ralagia); using a loophole to achieve fiscal exemptions; being more of a business than a "true" religion; dubious architectural claims of historicity for its worshipping places and practices.

Financial loophole: according to Kalșerian law, to be entitled to fiscal exemptions, the religion represented by the applying organization must have been founded at least 500 years before filing the paperwork (this is to avoid people creating nonsensical religions to avoid paying taxes). (Many organizations have fought to lower the threshold or outright repeal this law, most prominently Latter-Day Saints). The New Serigéa Organization was founded in 1995, meaning that it would have to wait until 2495 according to said law, but Father Lerfuan successfully argued that his organization represented the old pre-Christian religion (notwithstanding the originality dispute, i.e. the debate on whether adding the millenarianistic bit constitutes a new religion, or is merely the continuation of an existing one, which started after Father Lerfuan first mentioned the Garius-will-come-back bit, which, coincidentally, was right after being given the fiscal exemptions).

Satirical headlines

Courtesy of The National Toilet Paper.

  • Crayfish Crib Manager Has Existential Crisis after Seeing Job Applicant with Vitiligo
  • be5 Airs Ident That Makes Logical Sense
  • KalCom Accidentally Broadcasts Fresh News
  • Heartbreaking! Person Goes to An Evalria Underground Station and Takes the Train
  • Howe: "Protests are fine only when I agree with them"
  • Ihakașa Translates Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
  • Man Watches Reeve Cup without Screaming at the TV
  • Man with Strong Willpower Refrains from Commenting "Who Cares?" on an Article about Science
  • Digital Nomad Buys Apartment in Evalria and Uses It For Something
  • National Standard Covers Results for a Sport That Doesn't Exist
  • Neo-Dalgist Movie Scorched by Critics For Actually Making People Laugh
  • Regis Chandler: "You should have the right to shoot Santa Claus"
  • KALMORA Driver Strings a Complete Sentence, Is Invited to Join Evalrian Institute for English Language Board
  • Trapdoor Bar Actually Leads to Cartier Island
  • be5 Switches to Providing News Using Emoji: "🗣️🟰👴"
  • The Lens Poll Finds That Only 13% of Lens Buyers Read the Stories
  • Man Wins World Record for Longest Streak of KALMORA Races Watched without Falling Asleep
  • University of Evalria Offers Course on Understanding Songs by Knights of The Green Fields
  • Ramy X Writes A Song While Sober [Author's note: he has since sobered up and quit recreational drugs altogether.]
  • Should Phones Be Placed to the Left of the Dish Or to Its Right? Manners Expert Weighs In
  • The Corfen Dispute Is Over: "¡El Corfen Es Argentino!"
  • Kalșerian Team Builds Car with Just a Cardboard Box and Wins Monaco GP
  • Babich: "Satan May Have Made A Decent Point"
  • Fan's Grandmother Scores a Header Against Evalria Citizens
  • "Ralagi Naming Laws Are Too Strict", Says Mmmfdjfsdghdkdjna4eahifd788888 Mídasi
  • The Independent Proposes Referendum to Let Sweden Annex Kalșeri
  • Ralagi Couple Chooses Normal Name for Child
  • National Standard Makes Up a Newspaper and Proceeds to Attack It
  • Kalhan Language Declared Extinct in Cape Sundervale (Screwhorn; -> Lawsuit from Sundervellian Society of Friends of the Kalhan Language, unaware that they "ate the onion")
  • Bill Haven Taken to Hospital After Not Swearing For More Than Three Sentences
  • Maia Filisi Doesn't Know Who You Are
  • 1call User Complains About Not Hearing Enough Swearing in Customer Support (Screwhorn)
  • A Look At Eldridge's New Quiz Sh— Aaaand It's Gone!
  • Man Threatens to Reveal the True Pronunciation of Maryshill
  • Pete Yarmo Proposes to Transform the Senate into a Henclé Hotel
  • Kona Launches Series of Stamps Honoring the Most Common Swearwords Uttered in Post Offices
  • Holy Grail Found in Back Seats of Quincollia Man's Pick-Up Truck
  • Company Listed in EvSE Adopts Name That Makes Sense
  • Marshallese Patriot Uses Kalșerian Flag Emoji
  • The Prodigy Announce New Single for Kalșerian Market: "Smack My Babich Up"
  • Max Ureska Driven to Hospital after Tweeting Something without Sarcastic Remark
  • Apple Spills the Beans: "We Don't Care about the Future, We Just Want to Kook Y'all"
  • KalRail Introduces Sleeper Trains: "Can't Go Any Slower Than Daytime Trains Anyway!"
  • Babich Weighs in On Kosovo Issue: "KOSOVO JE KALŠERI!"
  • New Lothian to Introduce Trial By Combat While High On Crystal Meth
  • National Echo Accidentally Publishes News That's Readable
  • KaGi Introduces Line of Products Made in Kalșeri
  • KaGi Introduces Line of Products You Might Actually Want to Buy
  • Ureska Names Minecraft Player Minister of Infrastructure
  • 60-Year-Old Ends Text with Just One Exclamation Point
  • Risk! Host Tom Selleck Mistaken for Magnum P.I. Star Robert Wellington
  • Tașa Vonhal Reveals Next Year's Collection Theme: "The World's Greatest Lobbyists"
  • Celebrity Announces to Run For Office and Goes Through with it
  • UNESCO Adds Robert Wellington's Mustache to World Heritage List
  • La La Land Announced as Best Film, But It Was Actually Deepest Blue: The Curse Lives On
  • [Quotes From History] JFK: "I Am A Zabaione"
  • Kalșerian Government Agency Adopts Maximalist Logo
  • Kalșerian Government Agency Adopts Bad Flag
  • New Lothian Registry of Namarkia Adds Random Doodle in Bored Teenager's Notepad
  • National Standard Deciphers Rules of Calvinball
  • Graphic Designer Threatens to Design Maximalist Logo
  • Man Watches Callanserrian Regatta Without Telling You His Uncle Used to Sail
  • Fans of Callanserrian Regatta Declared Endangered Species
  • The Federal Writes Ten-Page Piece about Your School's Third-Grade Play
  • Observer-Herald Reader Found Behaving like a Party Animal
  • Satire Outlet Publishes Article, Doesn't Get Swarmed by Angry Moralists
  • Corinne Howe Sues Ukraine and Sweden Because They Use Same Colors as Kalșeri's
  • Kalșeri Rugby Team Introduces Its Own Version of Haka: Belching and Hurling Obscenities
  • Saudi Arabia Offers to Buy Quincollia: "Human Rights Record Is About The Same, Anyway"
  • Times Writer Adopts Joey Tribbiani's Thesaurus Strategy: Finished Product Makes More Sense than Usual
  • Matthew Chandler Confesses He Had No Idea National Echo Is Supposed to Be Read
  • Mercedes Driver Doesn't Act like a Complete Cowgee while on the Road
  • Beauty Creme Company Spills the Beans: "We want to make you feel like garbage about your body"
  • National Democrats Adopt Program Written by Disgruntled 8-Year-Old
  • JC Eldridge Produce Series that Doesn't Bombard Your Ears with Cheesy Sound Effects
  • The President Appoints a Bear to Serve as Prime Minister: "Can't Be Any Worse than the Last!"

KFL admission scandal

As scheduled, Evalria Citizens won the Evalrian Association Football League and were admitted as one of the original twelve. Some people moaned, and Jucunditas were added to the KFL.

Jucunditas were 3rd in the Evalrian Association Football League. What about the runners-up? Hellas Evalria performed better against Jucunditas, and yet they were excluded.

Hellas Evalria had pushed for a mini-tournament to determine the last two spots, whereas Jucunditas said that an internal selection was faster and had fewer chances of flukes. Jucunditas won.

KAFF: "Hellas Evalria's financial situation was pretty bad" (true: Hellas Evalria were regularly on the brink of bankruptcy). Hellas Evalria: "the KAFF was bribed by the Jucs!" (also true, as Jucs Director of Marketing fessed up in 1964)

Hellas Evalria-Jucunditas rivalry: intense, but infrequent.

Corfen dispute

Corfen (Kalhan: Korfen), contested between Kalúen and Janval, 1783-1839. Modern-day counties of Healy, Plains, Johnstonville, Simpson, Borderton, Elmer, Whitecliff, Coolidge, Rostock, Reval and Land's End.

  • 1671: Area assigned to New Kent (modern southern Janval).
  • 1783: Kalúen claims the Corfen area (sans Healy and Plains counties) plus modern-day Heinemann and Von Roon counties.
  • 1784: The Janvalian Constituent Assembly defines its territory as the combination of the former ceremonial counties of New Kent and Jarronshire.
  • 1794: Kalúen and Janval both ratify the Carnafarry Statute. No mention of the Corfen area. Uncertainty and conflicts.
  • 1795: Battle of Johnstonville, Kaluonians vs. Janvalians.
  • 1799: skirmish in Borderton. Janvalian rioters deface all buildings owned by Kaluonians. Revolt stopped by central forces.
  • 1806: Battle of Randle, also known as the "First Janvalian-Kaluonian War".
  • 1808: Randle Agreement: Kalúen renounces all claims to the area spanning modern-day Heinemann, Von Roon and Solomon counties.
  • 1834: Battle of Johnstonville, also known as the "Second Janvalian-Kaluonian War".
  • 1837: Agreement reached:
    • Kalúen acquires Healy, Plains, Johnstonville, Simpson, Borderton, Elmer, Whitecliff, Coolidge, Rostock, Reval and Land's End.
    • Janval keeps Heinemann, Von Roon and Solomon, as per the Randle Agreement of 1808.
  • 1839: Referendum in the involved counties on whether to accept the 1837 agreement. Resounding yes.
  • 1913: the Falkorian Party is born. It advocates for the creation of a new canton that spans the Haggett-Falșak-Rimini "wall" and all Kaluonian counties west of it.
  • 1941: the Falkorian Party is dissolved due to lack of popularity.
  • 1954: after thirteen years, the Falkorian Party comes back in existence. It gets the occasional seat or two in Congress, but its proposals don't really go anywhere.
  • 2014: The Corfen2Janval party is formed. It focuses on "taking back" all the counties given to Kalúen.
  • 2021: spurred by the Quincollian referendum, the Falkorian Party rounds up its supporters in Hayworthsville and ask Evalria and Percy to grant them a referendum. No reply at all.

Janval is still sour about it.

Kings of Lág

  1. Ausvan I (c. 300 BC-c. 275 BC) (First Kingdom of Lág) [Ausvan was considered the descendant of the god of the Sun. Historical existence of Kings 1-18 is debated.]
  2. Jarn I (c. 275 BC-c. 220 BC)
  3. Kansun (c. 220 BC-c. 190 BC)
  4. Rovuan I (c. 190 BC-c. 145 BC)
  5. Ausvan II (c. 145 BC-c. 120 BC)
  6. Rovuan II (c. 120 BC-c. 85 BC)
  7. Lerfuan I (c. 85 BC-c. 55 BC)
  8. Șavuan I (c. 55 BC-27 BC)
  9. Șavuan II (27 BC-3 CE)
  10. Șavuan III (3 CE-46 CE)
  11. Ausvan III (46 CE-49 CE)
  12. Lerfuan II (49 CE-68 CE)
  13. Șavuan IV (68 CE-92 CE)
  14. Seruan I (92 CE-107)
  15. Níuan I (107-133)
  16. Níuan II (133-136)
  17. Lerfuan III (136-175)
  18. Lerfuan IV (175-202)
  19. Rovuan III (202-239) [First King whose existence was confirmed.]
  20. Seruan II (239-271)
  21. Iușa (271-288) Q
  22. Navan I (288-301)
  23. Navan II (301-329)
  24. Holtan I (329-357)
  25. Holtan II (357-385)
  26. Holtan III (385-412)
  27. Narái (412-456)
  28. Rovuan IV (456-492)
  29. Noșuan I (492-519)
  30. Noșuan II (519-545)
  31. Șavuan V (545-569)
  32. Níuan III (569-578)
  33. Lerfuan V (578-603)
  34. Lerfuan VI (603-646)
  35. Ausvan IV (646-668)
  36. Ausvan V (668-684)
  37. Holtan IV (684-711)
  38. Rovuan V (711-734)
  39. Șavuan VI (734-759)
  40. Ausvan VI (759-783)
  41. Rovuan VI (783-787)
  42. Lerfuan VII (787-813)
  43. Rovuan VII the Conqueror (813-847) (Second Kingdom of (Greater) Lág)
  44. Rovuan VIII (847-859)
  45. Lerfuan VIII (859-883)
  46. Malnuan I (883-907)
  47. Fouan I (907-941), Regency until 914
  48. Fouan II (941-969)
  49. Furfuan I (969-998)
  50. Venuan (998-1033), Regency until 1001
  51. Rovuan IX (1033-1067)
  52. Lerfuan IX (1067-1082), Rovuan IX's brother
  53. Malnuan II (1082-1083 and 1085-1101), allowed to reign despite being born out of wedlock, but his issue was barred from inheriting the throne as per the Treaty of the Three Keys.
  54. Terduan (1083-1085), Malnuan II's brother, Regent
  55. Jarn II (1101-1135)
  56. Fouan III (1135-1161)
  57. Malnuan III (1161-1167)
  58. Rovuan X (1167-1209)
  59. Fouan IV (1209-1231)
  60. Efonan (1231-1245) [Efonan had no sons -> Salic law replaced with male-preference primogeniture.]
  61. Hema (1245-1269) Q, Efonan's sister
  62. Hosuan (1269-1301), illegitimate issue
  63. Iunuan (1301-1313), Hosuan's brother
  64. Furfuan II (1313-1329)
  65. Lerfuan X (1329-1366)
  66. Jarn III (1366-1378)
  67. Kinjon (1378-1391) Q, no issue
  68. Lajon (1391-1407) Q, Kinjon's sister
  69. Leduan (1407-1439)
  70. Furfuan III (1439-1461)
  71. Rovuan XI (1461-1497)
  72. Loșar I (1497-1515), regency until 1500
  73. Saint Loșar II/Joseph (1515-1568), regency until 1531
  74. Philip I (1568-1600)
  75. Philip II (1600-1614), illegitimate issue
  76. John (1614-1635), Philip II's first cousin
  77. John II (1635-1668), illegitimate issue
  78. Joseph II (1668-1677), John II's brother

[British invasion; from this point on, heads of the house of Lág have no power]

  1. George I (1677-1704)
  2. George II (1704-1718)
  3. John III (1718-1742)
  4. Thomas (1742-1757)
  5. Lawrence (1757-1765), Thomas's brother, no issue (possibly impotent)
  6. George III (1765-1782), Thomas's brother, three illegitimate children
  7. John IV (1782-1791) (Kalșerian Independence)
  8. Joseph III (1791-1811)
  9. Philip III (1811-1846), no heirs
  10. John V (1846-1859), Philip III's brother
  11. Gregory (1859-1891)
  12. Jerome I (1861-1934; 1892-1934)
  13. Jerome II (1893-1952; 1934-1952)
  14. Joseph IV (1921-2004; 1952-1998)
  15. René (1956-2021; 2004-2021)
  16. Thomas (II) (b. 1961; 2021-present)
  17. Susan (b. 1989; heir apparent)

Trapdoor bars

Born as a way to abide the law only technically – the Public Access Bars Act 1926 banned restaurants and bars in Kalșeri (those not part of golf clubs or such were affected) from turning away new customers unless they were breaking the law (because the promoter of the law had been refused entry into a local when he felt he needed it the most, and he was still very sour about it).

Public ("cover") portion of the bar: a tiny bar with a bare-bones facility and staff. The "real", members-only portion of the bar was hidden below a trapdoor or some other hidden door, and offered many more options than the "cover". An "accepted" member could invite a newcomer, who would then be given a card.

Later trapdoor bars were simply a bunch of vending machines with a person standing by.

The PABA '26 was abolished in 1984, but the bars built during the PABA ("pabbas" or "trapdoor bars") era still keep the practices and design choices. Some trapdoor bars have become tourist attractions (though with a limit on how many guests are allowed inside the real deals).

Unusual Kalhan names

Due to a historic scarcity of last names, some Kalhan-speakers have resorted to giving unusual names to their children, sorta like in Brazil, also due to more lax naming laws for Kalhan-speakers. Mostly names from history or mythology, and mostly written the same way as the source.

  • Eisenhower Véngisi (b. 1957), voice actor
  • Kennedy Iutișagi (b. 1968), actress
  • Gilgaméș Kregi (1885-1981), librettist
  • Sókrates Olor
  • Aristoteles Tadrerigi
  • Ireșlak Ronsi ("Kalșeri" in reverse)
  • George Washington Șavarigi (1814-1878), politician from Janval
  • Klitemnestra "Tem" Ríșigi
  • Special Runor
  • Goodliest Remidi
  • Tșingis-Han Éragi
  • Stockholm Halsi, author of Let's Play Names, a book on odd Kalhan naming tendencies. His siblings are all named after European capitals.
  • Nicola Sacco "Nik" Gohalgi and Bartolomeo Vanzetti "Bart" Gohalgi, twins active in association football. Can you tell their parents' political inclinations?
  • Sidarta-Gautama Honturagi (1856-1933), a major figure in the study of religions in the late 1800s.
  • Johnson Iudor
  • Kropotkin Sérigi
  • Elyas Șíngisi (b. 1986), son of footballer Ektor Șíngisi. Elyas (styled as Elýas) is often cited as the trendsetter for alternative spellings of established names.
  • Dióskora Sigi, women's rights activist in the early 20th century
  • Sherman Portugalgi, longtime public transport commissioner in Chalmersville
  • Jefferson Davis Ienusi, singer from the 1930s
  • Calascerius Tadéusi
  • Bonus: Eadueardus Wemingi, how painter Eduardus Vemingi (1904-1989) signed his works.

Another common practice was to combine the first few letters of the parents' last names to form a new last name for the children, e.g. Fonédregi + Espișagi = Fonespi.

Comic books

Names of foreign comic book series and characters translated to Kalhan, especially in older issues.

Kalșerian comics: Kalhan-language continuum?

Huey the Cub, a beloved icon for 60s-70s children.

Road signs

Inspired by EU signs, lots of pictograms, bilingual English/Kalhan

  • Highway: white on green
  • Expressways and other important non-highway roads: white on blue
  • Secondary non-highway roads: black on white
  • Historical sites and other points of attraction: white on claret
  • Municipality boundary markers: yellow on blue
    • Not used on highways.
  • Settlement boundary markers: black on white, with municipality in parentheses below
  • Street name signs: black on white, with logo/coat of arms of settlement/municipality on the left and postal code on the bottom-right corner in red (may be attached to a pole or on a wall)
  • Temporary detour: black on yellow

Each canton has its own Welcome sign

Stop signs:

  • Arrêt: Cartier Island
  • Stop: Cape Sundervale
  • Stop/Egi: everywhere else

"Kalșeri drives on the RIGHT/Kalșeri fal GÓSEIE" and "Thinkmetric" signs in Evalria-Holbek Airport, Cape Sundervale port and airport, Goldshore and Plymouth ports

Font: Highway Gothic? DIN 1451? Transport? SNV? Frutiger? Univers Bold+Condensed?

Signatory to the Vienna Convention on Roads and Signals.

1954: metric-imperial two-unit signs. 1960: metric-only signs.

Custom signs for special circumstances may be put up by private citizens and companies, with the authorization of the town.

Music

Knights of the Green Fields

Active from 1968 to 1982. A bilingual blend of folk and prog rock.

Historical line-up:

  • Ionas E. Rigi (1944 – 2014-05-12): lead vocals, flute, harmonica
  • Hank Droste (b. 1943): leading guitar
  • Ioséf "Iosy" Verapalgi (1943 – 1983): backing guitar, bagpipes
  • Matt Renfrew (1945): drums
  • Uiliam Kádagi (1949): bass guitar

How did they become popular? Unique lyrics, initially from the holy texts of the Kalserian religion of yore, and exploring a sound that had only been hinted until then in Kalserian music.

Why did the band dissolve? Three main reasons:

  1. Rigi's budding solo career, which caused scheduling conflicts,
  2. Droste and Kádagi wanting to pursue a more radio-friendly sound, and Rigi insisting on sticking to what made the first albums work, and...
  3. Drugs. Lots of them.

What happened to them?

  • Rigi would go on to become a successful solo artist. He died in a car crash in 2014 at the age of 69.
  • Droste joined a bunch of groups, with a side gig as a solo artist.
  • Renfew and Verapalgi checked into a drug rehab center in 1983.
    • Renfrew has since become a music teacher.
    • Verapalgi would be found dead due to a drug overdose; this would lead fellow band member and raller Uiliam Kádagi to renounce drugs and alcohol.
  • Scarred by the death of Verapalgi, a fellow band member and raller, Kádagi refused to touch drugs and alcohol again, and became a spokesperson for the National Association for the Prevention of Drug and Alcohol Abuse (NAPDAA). He served as a Liberal Democratic alderman for Rochelle County, KL from 1985 to 2005, and tried to run for several offices. Oh, and he would star in a few PSAs where he tried to sound cool to kids watching; these commercials found new life as sources for memes due to their awkwardness. He retired from his music career after the 2011 reunion concert, and now lives in Rochelle County, KL, with his wife and family.

The band held several reunion concerts, the last of which was held in memory of Ionas Rigi. Since then, Droste and Renfrew stated that continuing the KGF experiment without Rigi wouldn't make any sense, but fans are still hoping... Reunion line-ups (1989, 1996, 2004, 2011, 2015):

  • Ionas E. Rigi (1944 – 2014-05-12): lead vocals, flute, harmonica (1989, 1996, 2004, 2011)
  • Dylan Ninkoșagi: lead vocals (2015)
  • Lory Scones: flute, harmonica (2015)
  • Hank Droste (b. 1943): leading guitar (1989, 1996, 2004, 2011, 2015)
  • Walt Hodgson: backing guitar, bagpipes (1989, 1996)
  • Cy Oganessian: backing guitar, bagpipes (2004, 2011)
  • J. Seymour Wilkins: backing guitar, bagpipes (2015)
  • Matt Renfrew (1945): drums (1989, 1996, 2004, 2011, 2015)
  • Norman Strutinsky: bass guitar (1989, 1996)
  • Uiliam Kádagi (1949): bass guitar (2004, 2011)
  • George Sanz: bass guitar (2015)

Great Plains Music Bash

Biggest music festival in Kalșeri. Usually held in or around Hayworthsville, KL.

Year Venue Dates Headliners
1973 Preston Arena
Haywortshville, KL		 June 24 Knights of the Green Fields • George Harrison
1977 ? ? Steely Dan
1981 ? ? Loalerfa
1983 ? ? The Alan Parsons Project • Albert Jeane
1984 ? ? Iron Maiden
1986 ? ? Kauna! • Van Halen • XHR
1987 ? ? Edie Brickell & New Bohemians • Huey Lewis and the News
1989 ? ? U2
1991 ? ? New Order • Kraftwerk
1992 ? ? AC/DC • Stryknyna
1995 ? ? The Cure
1999 ? ? Eiffel 65 • Eminem
2000 ? ? Red Hot Chili Peppers
2003 ? ? Rammstein • XinSin •
2011 ? ? Goldfrapp • Passion Pit
2012 ? ? Sabaton
2016 ? ?
2019 ? ? Ramy X
2020 Virtually held ?
2021 ? ?
2022 ? ?

Failed coup d'état

The plan: overthrow President Jerry Mazzotta and Prime Minister Raimund Tógisi (both Social Cooperationists), install Ioséf Lágan II as President, appoint him King and have him form a military government after dissolving the civilian one. Plot orchestrated by Col. Eutikianus Végisi, to sort out the "Sovietization" of Kalșeri. How? Walk into the palaces, stun the guards, and incapacitate the two by any means necessary.

Seven disgruntled Army officials, led by Végisi, who had ties with Lágan Reaction (a far-right Kalhan-speaking monarchist movement), are behind the plot.

19 May 1972: Végisi and six of his aides are caught trying to break into Grosvenor House, the official residence of the Prime Minister. They are promptly arrested and put on trial. Végisi is sentenced to death for high treason. One of the aides was Bartoloméus Hornata (born in 1951, older brother of future Representative Ioanis Hornata).

Ioséf Lágan II (1921 - 2004-01-25) is also questioned, but he is unaware of anyone in the military acting on his behalf. No evidence is found that links him to Végisi's plot, but news of the trial kickstart the theory of a supposed partnership between the Lágan family and right-wing terrorist groups, and maybe even the Xunageri.

Radical SoCoops ask for the exile of the former royal family, but Kalșerian law does not allow the deportation of its citizens. The proposal quietly fades away.

The plan could not have succeeded. Organization was rudimentary, they did not have the legal expertise or the charisma to pull it off, and they had no contingency plans for if – or rather, when – things went south for the lot.

Possible involvement of the United States? Operation Condor was a thing... but if America had a beef with Mazzotta and Tógisi, the plot would have been way more thorough.

The event is also called "Idiot Plot", "Walk-In Plot", "Fools-and-Horses Plot" and "Non-Coup".

Questions about Rovuanism

Points of contention:

  • Can Rovuanism be considered a variant of fascism, or its own ideology?
  • Did Ioen Rovuan plan the principles first and then work to apply them, or did he build Rovuanism as the presidency went on?
  • Was Ioen Rovuan in favor of re-establishing the former Lágan throne?
  • Is Rovuanism as non-racist as it claims to be?
  • What is the relationship between Rovuanism and religion, and more specifically Christianity?
  • How frowned upon is homosexuality in Rovuanism?
  • Did Ioen Rovuan aim to expand his ideas outside Kalșeri?

Cartierois French

  • "a" is sometimes rendered as /æ/
  • "t" is often pronounced /ts/ in a stressed syllable
  • "r" is often rendered as /χ/
  • /ɛ̃/ and /ɑ̃/ are often merged into /ã/
  • The h aspiré is rendered as /ʔ/

Examples:

  • Île-de-Cartier /iːl də kaχˈtsje/
  • soixante /swaˈsãt/
  • les héros /leʔeˈχo/
  • Parti National Cartierois /pæχˈtsi ˌnatsjoˈnæl ˌkaχtsjeˈχʍa/
  • un bon vin blanc /œ̃ bɔ̃ vã blã/

Lexical differences:

  • septante, huitante and nonante are used for the numbers 70, 80 and 90
  • Especially in informal contexts, many words are adapted from Kalhan and Kalșerian slang.

Kalșerian English

Phonology

  • The letter R is generally trilled ([r]) or flapped ([ɾ]), like in Italian and Spanish, except word-finally, where it is usually dropped. Examples: orange /ˈɔɒɾ.endʒ/; father /ˈfaːðɐ/.
    • Some speakers, especially in Janval and Cartier Island, may realize it as [ʁ] or [χ].
    • The approximant typical of English ([ɹ]) is usually found in rural areas where Kalhan is not often spoken.
  • /ɑ(ː)r/ usually becomes either /a(ː)/ or /a(ː)r/. car /ka(ː)/ or /ka(ː)r/
  • /ʌ/ is often realized as /ʊ/. fun /fʊn/
  • /ɒ/ and /ɔː/ are usually rendered as /ɔɒ~ɔɑ~ɔa/. For instance, dog is usually /dɔɒg~dɔɑg~dɔag/.
    • The cot-caught merger usually takes place.
  • /æ/ either becomes /a/ or is split into /ɛɐ~ɛa/. bad may therefore be pronounced as /bad/ or /ˈbɛ.ɐd/.
  • /ɪ/ and /ɛ/ may sometimes become /e~e̞/. pin /pe̞n/; bed /be̞d/.
    • The pin-pen merger is more common in Western Kalșeri.
  • /eɪ/ and /aɪ/ are often merged into /æɪ/. gravy /ˈgɾæɪ.vɪ/ or /ˈgɾæɪ.ve/
    • Some speakers tend to enunciate as though they were swapping /eɪ/ and /aɪ/, partially undoing one aspect of the Great Vowel Shift. Stereotype: pronouncing "United States" as "Unayted Stites" /jəˌneɪ.tɨd ˈstaɪts/.
  • Word-final /ə/ becomes /ɐ/. under /ˈʊn.dɐ/
  • /ɜ/ becomes /œ~ø/. bird /bœ(r)d/
  • /oʊ/ becomes /oː/. so /soː/
  • Some speakers may transform /θ/ and /ð/ into /t/ and /d/ respectively.

Therefore, a possible realization of Article 1 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights /ɔɒl ˈhjuːmən ˈbiːeŋz ar bɔɑn friː ən ˈiːkwɐl en ˈdɪgnɪtɪ ən ˈræɪts ðæɪ ar enˈdaʊd weð riːzən ən ˈkɔɑn.ʃens ən ʃʊd akt təˈwɔɑdz wʊn əˈnʊðɐɾ en ə ˈsperet ə ˈbrʊðəhʊd/.

Letter names

  • H is called "haitch"
  • R is called "er" /ɛ(ə)r/
  • V is occasionally called "vow" /vaʊ/
  • W is called "double V", and may thus be rendered as "double vow"
  • Z is called "zay" or "zeta" /ˈzeɪtə/

Spelling

Most of these changes were brought forward by 19th-century linguist and poet John Dudley Ballard; some of these changes were made official by the Evalrian Institute for the English Language (EIEL). Derived forms of the words in the table, as well as other words in a similar situation to them, are also affected. The EIEL advises against using the alternate form if it generates ambiguity.

Traditional English Kalșerian English Status of Kalșerian word(s)
Wednesday Wensday Officially accepted alternative spelling
gauge gage Official spelling
ache ake Official spelling
isle
island
aisle		 ile
iland
aile		 Officially accepted alternative spellings
secede seceed Official spelling
receipt receit Official spelling
recipe
epitome		 recipy
epitomy		 Officially accepted alternative spellings
margarine margerine Official spelling
doubt
dumb
debt
subtle		 dout
dum
det
suttle		 Officially accepted alternative spellings
friend frend Officially accepted alternative spelling
photography
philosophy
graph
phantom		 fotografy
filosofy
graf
fantom		 Officially accepted alternative spellings
show, showed, shown show, showed, showed Officially accepted alternative spelling
heart hart Officially accepted alternative spelling
tomb
womb		 toom
woom		 Officially accepted alternative spellings
furlough furlow Officially accepted alternative spelling
choir quire Official spelling
scythe sithe Official spelling
Scorpius (constellation)
Scorpio (sign)		 Scorpio (for both) Official spelling
myth
cyst
system
anonymity
analyze
cataclysm		 mith
cist
sistem
anonimity
analize
cataclism		 Officially accepted alternative spellings
exaggerate exagerate Official spelling
asthma asma Official spelling
phlegm
paradigm		 flegma
paradigma (the G is not mute in either case)		 Official spelling
gnat
gnome
gnarly		 nat
nome
narly		 Officially accepted alternative spellings
heir
honest		 eir
onest		 Officially accepted alternative spellings
embarrass embarass Official spelling
psycho- syco- Officially accepted alternative spelling
Arctic
Antarctica		 Artic
Antartica		 Official spellings
accommodate accomodate Official spelling
bureaucracy burocracy Official spelling
pronunciation pronounciation Officially accepted alternative spelling
exhibit
exhausting		 exibit
exausting		 Official spellings
attaché (both masculine and feminine) attaché (for males)
attachée (for females)		 Official spelling
ophthalmology ofthalmology Official spelling
hearken harken Official spelling
deign dain Officially accepted alternative spelling
unmovable
immovable		 unmoveable
immoveable		 Official spelling
blond
blonde		 blond Official spelling
aesthetic esthetic Official spelling
geoduck gooeduck Official spelling
onomatopoeia onomatopea Official spelling
rhetoric retoric Official spelling

The -vre ending typically seen in French is pronounced /vər/.

Glossary

Words not adapted from American English

Generally, Kalșerian English has a similar vocabulary to that of American English, although exceptions exist; some of the preferred words not matching AmE are listed below.

British English American English Kalșerian English Notes
coriander cilantro coriander
aubergine eggplant aubergine
aluminium aluminum aluminium
curriculum vitae (CV) resume kimonia from Kalhan
judgement judgment judgement

Kalserian national football team

Number Name Birth date Role Club
1 Andy Edwards (1993-09-12) September 12, 1993 (age 31) Goalkeeper Kalșeri Olympia Takalim
12 Phil McHugh (1988-04-01) April 1, 1988 (age 36) Goalkeeper Kalșeri Harts
23 Nik Hóltansi (2000-03-05) March 5, 2000 (age 24) Goalkeeper Kalșeri Locomotive St. Adrian
2 Stevan Reșki (1989-02-26) February 26, 1989 (age 35) Defender Kalșeri Evalria Citizens
3 Quinton O'Sullivan (1996-09-01) September 1, 1996 (age 28) Defender Kalșeri St. Patrick
4 Benjamín Lavi (1998-06-15) June 15, 1998 (age 26) Defender Kalșeri Gymnasium Percy 58
13 Bill Giordano (1997-10-13) October 13, 1997 (age 27) Defender Italy Parma
16 Reed Wilson (1995-12-01) December 1, 1995 (age 29) Defender United States Houston Dynamo
19 Jon Hattison (2000-01-07) January 7, 2000 (age 24) Defender Kalșeri Olympia Takalim
22 Walton Browne (1999-08-18) August 18, 1999 (age 25) Defender Flag of Germany.svg Werder Bremen
24 Christophe Lécuyer (1997-05-29) May 29, 1997 (age 27) Defender Flag of Canada.svg Forge FC
5 Thomas Hernandez (1997-08-21) August 21, 1997 (age 27) Midfielder Kalșeri Evalria Citizens
6 Ed Katter (1992-07-09) July 9, 1992 (age 32) Midfielder Flag of England.svg Fulham F.C.
7 Maurice Akinyeme (1994-11-29) November 29, 1994 (age 30) Midfielder Kalșeri Evalria Citizens
8 Daniel Riordan (1995-01-23) January 23, 1995 (age 29) Midfielder Flag of Spain.svg RC Celta de Vigo
14 James Szybolski (1995-06-11) June 11, 1995 (age 29) Midfielder Kalșeri Evalria Citizens
17 Dino Robinson (1997-03-02) March 2, 1997 (age 27) Midfielder Kalșeri Olympia Takalim
20 Bryce Garner (2001-12-08) December 8, 2001 (age 23) Midfielder Kalșeri Zeitgeist Chalmersville
25 Phil Wearmouth (2000-05-09) May 9, 2000 (age 24) Midfielder Denmark Silkeborg
9 Ted Hill (1995-06-11) June 11, 1995 (age 29) Forward Kalșeri Carnafarry
10 Byrat Meredow (1996-04-17) April 17, 1996 (age 28) Forward United States San Jose Earthquakes
11 Davor Stojanovic (1992-07-04) July 4, 1992 (age 32) Forward Flag of Germany.svg Freiburg
15 Raul Abascal (1994-11-07) November 7, 1994 (age 30) Forward Kalșeri Olympia Takalim
18 Fernando Caballero (1993-08-18) August 18, 1993 (age 31) Forward Kalșeri Internacional Las Encinas
21 Chris DeLuca (1998-05-13) May 13, 1998 (age 26) Forward Kalșeri Lennoxton Eagles
26 Ignacio Machado (1991-06-17) June 17, 1991 (age 33) Forward Kalșeri Internacional Las Encinas

Brands

Typically Kalșerian things you'd find in a KaGi.

Food and drinks

  • LikoLoko, a bar of licorice covered in chocolate. Commercials would often feature foreigners having a bite of LikoLoko, only to be turned off by the strong licorice inside; the Kalșerian then proceeds to eat the same bar and appreciate its taste, hence the slogan "Not for arkers [foreigners]!".
  • Tașa Vonhal, the national beer of Kalșeri.

Cigarettes

  • Descubridor; the name comes from a car by Wilheimer. Rich entrepreneurs usually smoke these. 1962.
    • Descubridor M; menthol cigarettes.
    • Descubridor Lite.
    • Descubridor Strong, which had more nicotine. Phased out in 2014 after low sales.
    • Descubridor Special, featuring a special
  • Hayworthsville; menthol cigarettes. 1956
    • Hayworthsville Herbal. Often used by non-smoking actors who play characters who smoke in movies.
  • Maréchal; often associated with Cartier Island, as they were personally commissioned by Eugène Fabron. A vague smell of plums. Used to sponsor a KALMORA team. 1932.
  • Poxton's. Heavy, also available in Cuban cigars. Sometimes given to foreign dignitaries until 1994. 1902.
    • Poxton's Moon; Turkish tobacco. 1919.
  • Schuyler. Light, American tobacco. 1971.

Kalhan name

In Kalhan, a name consists of a given name (her), a patronymic (paher), a family name (naher) and a name denoting the ancestral origin of the family (nahaler).

As an example, Maksimilianus Ureska's traditional full name is Maksimilianus Petrus'ion Ureska-Finley-Rúnorsi-O'Rourke Úslarfi:

  • Maksimilianus, the given name;
  • Petrus'ion, the patronymic;
  • Ureska, the father's family name;
  • Finley, the mother's maiden name;
  • Rúnorsi, the paternal grandmother's maiden name;
  • O'Rourke, the maternal grandmother's maiden name;
  • Úslarfi ("from Uslar"), the origin.

Family names began to be used in the 1500s, and gradually replaced the nahaler as the legal last name. The traditional naming scheme was brought back during and after Kalșerian independence.

While the structure is usually only used by and for native Kalhan speakers, there are documented cases of arkagia (those whose main language is not Kalhan, or those who come from outside Kalșeri) making use of the traditional naming structure: Archibald Hayworth is rendered as Artșibaldus Jorj'ion Hayworth Enjamúlfi in older texts.

In 1804, influenced by Spanish customs and the relative scarcity of Kalhan last names, the mother's and the grandmothers' maiden names were added to the full name.

Another phenomenon is the Latinization of names, as bishops and intellectuals wanted to look "classier" to others. Practice started in the 1500s, dropped in the late 1800s. Examples:

  • Kalhan-speaking cardinal and scholar Ioanis Filippus Lakagi (18th century) signed his letters as Johannes Philippus Carpentarius.
  • Professor Andréas Henagi published his works under the pseudonym Andreas de Coqui, to which he later changed his birth name.

Children born outside of wedlock were given a family name taken from the either the putative father's name or the mother's name, preceded by ion-. The suffix is always rendered in lower case. For instance, a child named Anna who was said to be the illegitimate child of a man named Matéus, was registered as Anna ion-Matéus. Like other family names, these have become stationary over time, and as such no longer indicate that the bearers themselves are illegitimate children, only that their ancestor was one.

Fathers of the Serigéa

The father (Kalhan: par, mar or "mother" when the leader is female) is the chief priest of the Serigéa, the traditional polytheistic religion of modern-day Kalșeri. The position was first created with the Treaty of the Main Gate in 1083: the first par was Terduan, the 53rd King of Lág, establishing the identity between par and King of Lág. The position was abolished in 1542, when King Loșar II converted to Catholicism and made it the official religion of the kingdom; it was not reinstated until 1995, when Ioen Petrus Samenhal founded Șin Gea, an updated iteraion of the Serigéa.

Historically based in Evalria, the Raiseaseri (the main church of the Serigéa) was reinstated in Hartleyville, New Lothian in 1995.

Pre-colonial period (1083–1542)

  1. Terduan (1083–1085), regent for Malnus II.
  2. Malnuan II and I (1085–1101)
  3. Jarn II and I (1101–1135)
  4. Fouan III and I (1135–1161)
  5. Malnuan III and II (1161–1167)
  6. Rovuan X and I (1167–1209)
  7. Fouan IV (1209–1231)
  8. Efonan (1231–1245)
  9. Hema (1245–1269) Q
  10. Hosuan (1269–1301)
  11. Iunuan (1301–1313)
  12. Furfuan II and I (1313–1329)
  13. Lerfuan X and I (1329–1366)
  14. Jarn III and II (1366–1378)
  15. Kinjon (1378–1391) Q
  16. Lajon (1391–1407) Q
  17. Leduan (1407–1439)
  18. Furfuan III and II (1439–1461)
  19. Rovuan XI and II (1461–1497)
  20. Loșar I (1497–1515)
  21. Loșar II (1515–1542)

Post-colonial period (1995–present)

  1. Lerfuan II (b. Ioen Petrus Samenhal; 1995–2021)
  2. Iușa (b. Zoé Vemingi; 2021–present)

Kalșerian traditional units of measurement

Used up to 1671, and then from 1783 to 1878. Some units have survived in colloquial speech.

Length

  • vem ("pebble"): ~3 cm
  • viarón ("creek"): ~72 cm
  • fla ("field"): ~97 m

Weight

  • iem ("stone"): ~1.2 kg

Other

  • seri ("house"): five people

Kallie TV

Series idea

A Ralagi criminal is now a single father, and he has to balance his "working" life with being a good father. Throughout the series, the protagonist feels the urge to turn his life around, abandon his illegal activities and get a high school diploma (and perhaps go to university); another pressing issue is balancing his Ralagi identity and being more welcoming towards non-Ralagia.

Show takes place in the outskirts of a big city (Lennoxton? Percy? Hutchinson? Hartleyville?). Protagonist and his family live in a verti-rel ("verti[cal] city"; a series of apartment buildings occupied by Ralagia of lower income).

Characters
  • Stéfanus Henșagi (Jefferson Ișmaélsi), the protagonist. A thin, scraggly man in his late 40s with anger outbursts.
  • Diego Ralédregi (Ryan Tómasi) Stéfanus's biological son. A boy whose performance at school and past life worries his teachers and his principal.
  • Ana-María Ralédregi (Lucinda Senugi), Diego's mother. A cashier who takes delight in playing the guitar.
  • James Francis "Frank" Colombini (Sergio Pazzini), Stéfanus's lawyer.
  • Niall "Slim" Hardy (Daniel Marino), the CEO of Spins-a-Lot Records.
  • Ludvik (Roberto Fosi), Iakob (Kevin Ritter), Julius (Roderick Iensi) and Aristoteles (Nathan Winfield), Stéfanus's colleagues in thievery.
  • Susana (Renata Éragi), Stéfanus's aunt.
Season 1

Following a lengthy legal dispute culminating with a DNA test, the court finds that Stéfanus is the biological father of Diego, a child he had conceived with Ana-María, a cashier who moonlights as a prostitute to make ends meet. To make the union more socially acceptable, a civil marriage between Stéfanus and Ana-María takes place, and then Ana-María and Diego move into Stéfanus's apartment. A few weeks later, however, Ana-María hears some gunshots in the building and, fearing for her life, runs away from the apartment, leaving Stéfanus and Diego by themselves.

Season 2

Stéfanus tries to help Diego with homework and other school-related endeavors, and often has to choose between committing robberies, his only source of income, and bonding with his son. To help Stéfanus gradually get out of his illegal job, lawyer Frank Colombini suggests that he get a day job. Meanwhile, Ana-María gets in touch with her musical side, and after self-declared producer "Slim" Hardy notices her skills, she moves to Evalria to pursue a musical career.

Season 3

Ana-María's dreams of becoming a star vanish after Hardy, who shows little interest in her music, abandons her. Diego's grades begin to improve, and he makes the cut for the soccer team of his middle school. Stéfanus does everything he can to bring his son to the matches. However, he is sometimes forced to leave Diego alone at home because of his night job: one of these times, a thief breaks into Stéfanus's apartment, but the break-in ends with Stéfanus killing the thief in front of Diego. Stéfanus understands that the environment is not safe for his son, and moves into his aunt's house while he and Diego look for another home. In a display of thankfulness towards his biological father, Diego decides to adopt his father's surname.

Season 4

After some moments of conflict on whether to help the woman who abandoned him, Stéfanus seeks to get revenge on the producer for abandoning Ana-María, but he finds out that the now-defunct label she had signed for has been seized by the police because it was actually a front to a Shoonagerry organization dealing with illegal distribution of digital content, and the so-called producer, who was the mastermind of said operation, has been arrested. After Diego graduates from middle school, and to be able to go up the ranks at his day job (and also to stop his aunt reminding him about his lack of titles), Stéfanus signs up for a nighttime course for adults to pursue a high school diploma, but his colleagues begin to get angry at him for missing out on hits, and cut him out of the earnings.

Season 5

Stéfanus starts fleshing out a plot to get revenge on his former nighttime colleagues, but doesn't know how: confessing to the police, or killing them. Meanwhile, Ana-María publishes her first album, under the name "Ann Mary Ral"; Stéfanus finds it out after listening to the radio. Ana-María contacts Stéfanus for the first time in years, and offers two tickets for her show in Percy to him and his son. After the show, Stéfanus sneaks into the headquarters of his former night job and calls the police to report of a future plot by his former group to rob the National Reserve.

Roda Viva-like program

Interviewee sat in the center. Host and experts around the interviewee. Experts have one phone each, through which they answer questions by viewers.

The Office but it's Kalseri

Ufís (2008-2012, 5 seasons). Channel?

Business: Ninkoșagi Oniarivukoní (a Lafayette, LG-based company that sells stationery and other such equipment).

People:

  • Regional Manager: Samuél Iákosi (Viktor Oivion; ~ Michael Scott/David Brent)
    • Infantile and with a dangerous tendency to run his mouth before thinking, but with a heart of gold for his employees. His English is broken.
  • Senior Sales Representative: Roderikus "Rod" Koștolagi (Diego Jardingi; ~ Jim Halpert/Tim Canterbury)
    • Laid-back and generally not bothered by Samuél's shenanigans. One of the two employees with a higher-than-average ability to speak English.
  • Assistant (to the) Regional Manager: Zébulon Lavi (Michael Numiagi; ~ Dwight Schrute/Gareth Keenan)
    • Disciplinarian, geek, in a one-way rivalry with Rod. Might be in the autism spectrum. Also a brony.
  • Receptionist: Verónika Jálagi (Léa Rágisi; ~ Pam Beesly/Dawn Tinsley)
    • Receptionist with a penchant for cooking.
  • Temp: Dilan Șínsue (James Nilafașagi; ~ Ryan Howard)
  • Corporate Supervisor: Rubina Tadéusi (Sípora Kalungi; ~ Jan Levinson)
  • Accountants:
    • Sara Párkusi (Kennedy Iutișagi), a no-nonsense woman who knows judo and does not like Samuél at all.
    • Iákomus Sálorsi (Jefferson Ișmaélsi), tends to believe in outlandish conspiracy theories.
    • Périkles Rongi (Leonardus Kónagi), a man who doesn't speak very often; when he does it's either brilliant or creepy.
  • Travelling Sales Representative: Paskál Falsérisi (Noé Fabrișus Logi; ~ Todd Packer)
    • A salesman who thinks he's clever with his jokes, but is perceived as a nuisance by his colleagues. Impressive selling skills, though. Graduated high school with Samuél.
  • Receptionist's fiancé: Oskar Lekrurigi (Patrișus Líșugi; ~ Roy Anderson)
    • Works in the warehouse.
  • Other office co-workers: (~ Stanley, Phyllis, Kelly, Toby [HR], Meredith, Creed)
    • Ipașa Krégisi (Lucinda Senugi), a talkative dog-loving middle-aged single mother.
    • Eduardus Pogi (Leonardo Șánvelfi), a fat Rovuanist who focuses more on winning arguments than on his job.
    • Fidél Iskifi (Osvaldus Gangi), an odd impulsive buyer from a formerly-noble family.
    • Steve Drury (Steve Higgins), the only non-Ralagi. Often seen struggling with Kalhan courses, and speaks Kalhan with a heavy English accent.
    • Ahmed al-Kassar (Anas al-Dandachi), the Human Resources representative for the Lafayette branch of the company.
    • Uiliam Kádagi (himself), former bass guitar player for the Knights of the Green Fields.
  • Warehouse foreman: (~ Darryl)

DTV transition

2002: digital TV commences operations in Kalșeri.
2006: preliminary plans by the Havlicek government.
2008: legislation approved.
2009: Main channels begin to switch off their analog retransmitters, canton by canton (Evalria and Takalim first, Tigupoke last).
2010: URB/FANG shuts its analog retransmitters.
2012: Switchover complete.

The Rovuans

Sitcom featuring Ioen Rovuan and Kinjon Bonsi. Like Heil Honey I'm Home! but with a subject that isn't nearly as controversial.

Premise: Ioen Rovuan and Kinjon live in a cheap apartment in Gwastatir, Evalria. Their next-door neighbors are a progressive college student, a retiree with a nostalgia for the old Ioen Rovuan days, and a couple about to be separated. Ioen Rovuan often tries – and fails – to make sense of the world around him.

Fun fact: John Harts, Ioen Rovuan's actual son, guest starred as himself in an episode.

Song before sign-off

Started by what was back then the RNU in 1959, this tradition consists of a channel airing a song to signal the end of the broadcast for the day. The song is then followed by the national anthem, and then either by commercials or by an invitation to turn the television set off.

With the advent of 24-hour television in 1975, the sign-off song was discontinued for some time before being brought back in 1977 due to popular demand. The sign-off song is aired at the end of the prime-time program. While no longer mandatory, the song is then followed by the national anthem, which then precedes low-cost programming.

  • KalCom 1: short classical pieces, jazz.
  • KalCom 2: rock, pop, punk, electronica, experimental music.
  • KalCom 3: Kalhan-language songs.

Game shows

  • Countdown, airs on KalCom 1, Mon-Fri, 5 pm. Host: Jake Burroughs.
  • I Love Kalșeri, airs on KalCom 1, Fridays, 8:30 pm. Host: Bill Karakostas.
  • Family Feud, airs on KalCom 2, Sundays, 6 pm. Host: Louise Hansen.
  • Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, airs on KalCom 2, Mondays and Wednesdays, 8:30 pm. Host: Ken Culligan.
    • Also broadcast in Kalhan, as Negi som nierșugi skodo?, airs on KalCom 3, Tuesdays and Thursdays, 8:30 pm. Host: Eduardus Úkegi.
  • Kalhan-language game show for school-age children (name unknown), airs on KalCom 3, Saturdays?, [time tbd]. Host: Laura Nalșagi.
  • Wheel of Fortune, airs on KBC, Mon-Fri, 7 pm. Host: Chuck Whelan.
  • Risk! (stylized as R!SK), based on Italian game show Rischiatutto, itself based on Jeopardy!. Final round: jackpot for each contestant is doubled, and the contestant has a chance to win their sum by answering questions about a "hobby" topic of their choosing (i.e. the final topic cannot be directly related to the contestant's job). Airs on KBC, Thursdays, 8:45 pm. Host: Robert Wellington.
  • Ieton Savumene ("The all-encompassing game show"), a Kalhan-language game show about general knowledge and Kalhan skills. Airs on be5, Mon-Fri, 7 pm. Host: Mark Rentengi.
  • The People Versus, airs on JCTN, Mon-Fri, 7 pm. Host: Diane Hartnell.
  • Play That Funky Music, based on Name That Tune, airs on The Ninth, Mon-Fri, 6:45 pm. Host: Seth Comey. Comey's exuberance serves as a creative outlet for an otherwise self-declaredly serious channel.

Flood Warning

Introduced in 1991, the Flood Warning works like the Japanese Earthquake Early Warning. All nationwide TV channels are required by law to warn of impending floods. Mandatory monthly test every fourth Tuesday of the month. All phones sold in Kalșeri also have Flood Warnings activated by default.

Light floods: ribbon message on top of screen. Heavy floods: feed cuts to Flood Warning studio in Rișen, Lág. Country "divided" into statistical provinces for Flood Warnings.

Advertising laws

  • Political ads are banned. (1964)
  • The presence of sponsors and product placement must be explicitly declared at the beginning and at the end of any program that makes use of it. (1976)
  • Ads are banned before, during and after programs aimed at children. (1988)
    • In case of channels dedicated exclusively to children's media, advertisements are only allowed between 21:30 and 06:00, and they must be clearly marked as such.
  • No more than 90 seconds of commercials may be shown for every thirty minutes of content. (1995)
  • Ads pertaining to bodily functions are banned between 11:30 and 13:59, and between 18:30 and 20:59. (2005)
  • The KIHC, the Premier League, KALMORA and nationwide rowing competitions must be made available on free-to-air channels, and said competitions may not be divided into multiple paid-subscription packages. (2018)
  • Ads pertaining to cryptocurrencies, blockchain and non-fungible tokens are banned. (Evalria, 2021)

KalCom News

Besides the regular thirty-minute news program, broadcast at 8:30, 13:00, 16:00 and 19:00, KalCom News offers some segments offering specialized content.

  • Friday, Saturday and Sunday, 19:30: Field Day, which focuses on domestic competitions in ice hockey, association football, baseball, basketball and KALMORA. Theme: Fireworks by Purple Disco Machine.
  • Thursday, 19:30: A Deeper Look, which offers an in-depth analysis of the more controversial events of last week. Theme: Twilight by U2.
  • Night of a nationwide vote, 18:00 to 01:00: Election Night, which tracks the election in question and all its twists and turns. Themes:
    • Tonight Tonight Tonight by Genesis (presidential elections)
    • In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins (Congress elections)
    • Money for Nothing by Dire Straits (referenda; the program is known as Referendum Night in these occasions)

KalCom Special News Reports

KalCom Special News Reports (abbreviated to SNR and commonly called Newsies; until 2006 RNK Special News Reports) are special editions of KalCom News that interrupt the scheduled programming to deliver important news. The Report is delivered in English in KalCom 1 and 2, and in Kalhan in KalCom 3. All other general-information channels, except for those dedicated to children's entertainment, are expected to follow suit if the news concerns Kalșeri.

Events of geographical, political and cultural importance are reported, such as natural disasters and deaths of eminent personalities. Sudden events concerning the President, the Vice President, former Vice Presidents, and current and former Justices of the Supreme Court are usually given a Special News Report. Elections and other expected events, on the other hand, are usually not given a Newsie.

A Newsie is preceded by the fade-out of the program currently on air. A title card bearing the KalCom logo and the words "SPECIAL NEWS REPORT" is then displayed; a narrating voice announces the arrival of special news with the words "This is a KalCom Special News Report. We interrupt the scheduled program to deliver the following news". The screen then cuts to the KalCom News studios in Evalria. If an event occurs during the Kalșerian night, the corresponding SNR will be broadcast at 8 am, Evalria time.

Kalșeri Sings

Kalșeri Sings, perhaps the biggest event in June. Taking place since 1957, annually since 1987, on KalCom 1.

  • All cantons get to participate.
    • Aside from cantons, up to three unofficial singers or groups may take part in the competition, but without voting rights. Usually just one team with a clear theme.
  • Each canton has a trio of judges, and each judge has one point to give. Judges cannot vote for their own canton.
    • Since 2003, 50 points have also been proportionally given through popular vote.
  • Top four go on to perform one more time.
  • No restrictions on genre, but most go for pop, rock or still something one may hear on the radio without wondering what on earth is going on.

Yes, inspired by Eurovision Song Contest.

Edition Host city Winner Winning song Guest entries
Every three years
1957 Evalria Maryshill Kalúen Fred Conklin Where Have You Gone?
1960 Kalúen Rosby Tigupoke Isa Farrell Waiting
1963 Tigupoke Finisterra Urgel The Privateers Up the River
1966 Urgel Whiteriver Takalim Sal Jove Whiskey On The Rocks
1969 Takalim New Smyrna Evalria E. R. Skine Do You Still Love Me Or Not
1972 Evalria Gwastatir San Rafael Mauricio & The Hammers Confusion
1975 San Rafael Las Encinas San Rafael Julio & Marisa Milagros
1978 New Kerry Nice Janval Angela Schmidt Throughout the Night
1981 Janval Hutchinson San Rafael Rick Udall Traffic Jam
1984 San Rafael Loskaf New Lothian Xoebarra Tektonika
Yearly
1987 New Lothian Geeseekulkoo Urgel Roberta Hewey Som E-gia
1988 Urgel St. Adrian New Kerry XHR Losers' Alley
1989 New Kerry Carnafarry Janval Luisa Téngisi Neksa, Neksa, Neksa
1990 Janval Gulfport Evalria Enrik Șánvelfi Kallie Style
1991 Evalria Tașarél Chalmersville Faith Gaye Black Woods
1992 Chalmersville Colwyn Bay Takalim Dawn of a New Era Time Flies By
1993 Takalim Folkestone Takalim DoeMoe Is It Enough
1994 New Lothian Hartleyville Tigupoke Edge of Extinguisher It's You
1995 Tigupoke Cape Scorpion Lág Jerry Winslow 95 Reasons
1996 Lág Piombino Evalria Stryknyna Welcome to K-Town
1997 Evalria Uslar Cape Sundervale Rhonda Colson Toying With Me
1998 Cape Sundervale Rose Gardens Cartier Island The Clamorous Glams So What?
1999 Cartier Island Henriville Evalria Cocorita Club Cheap
2000 Evalria St. Joseph Takalim Algonqueen Peas and Loaf
2001 Takalim Murphyville New Kerry s-OK Funk Yoself
2002 New Kerry Rinnacade San Rafael Georgia LoGreco New Millennium
2003 San Rafael Welneweg Kalúen Billiam Polyhedrons
2004 Kalúen Percy Kalúen Ferouz Eshq (Is What I Feel)
2005 Urgel Bournemouth Takalim Nife Father
2006 Takalim Lennoxton New Kerry Slippage May Occur nowhere 2 b found
2007 New Kerry Cranston Lág Ab C. Deff Gee Hammer
2008 Lág Gotha Evalria Paskál Óliversi Counting
2009 Evalria Tașarél Tigupoke Pizza Crust 3 AM
2010 Tigupoke Cowhill Takalim Jumbo Jet Republic Some Friend You Are
2011 Takalim Siena San Rafael Sharq Nip It In The Bud
2012 San Rafael San Isidro Urgel B-Typical Penniless
2013 Urgel Caesarea Urgel Tilly & The Big Bobs Redacted
2014 Kalúen Hayworthsville Chalmersville The Big Endians Rolling
2015 Chalmersville Norwich Tigupoke Giddy Uncle Green Tractor
2016 Tigupoke Levski Evalria Mon K. fite me
2017 Evalria Hampshire Janval Jo Uíliansi Xanax Time
2018 Janval Saxon Falls Takalim Fullbrog Pizzazz
2019 Takalim Albertson Evalria Ramy X Grenadier Street
2020 edition not held due to the COVID-19 pandemic.
2021 Evalria Evanstown Lág Ecks D. no >:(
2022 Lág Rișen Chalmersville The Big Endians The Holy Man

Stats:

  • The Big Endians are the only musicians to win the contest more than once.
  • Wins by canton:
    • Evalria: 7 (1969, 1990, 1996, 1999, 2008, 2016, 2019)
    • Takalim: 7 (1966, 1992, 1993, 2000, 2005, 2010, 2018)
    • San Rafael: 5 (1972, 1975, 1981, 2002, 2011)
    • Urgel: 4 (1963, 1987, 2012, 2013)
    • Chalmersville: 3 (1991, 2014, 2022)
    • Janval: 3 (1978, 1989, 2017)
    • Kalúen: 3 (1957, 2003, 2004)
    • Lág: 3 (1995, 2007, 2021)
    • New Kerry: 3 (1988, 2001, 2006)
    • Tigupoke: 3 (1994, 2009, 2015)
    • Cape Sundervale: 1 (1997)
    • Cartier Island: 1 (1998)
    • New Lothian: 1 (1984)
    • Quincollia: 0
  • Most recurring guest teams: Falkor, Quincollia, ethnic groups, foreign acts

The Kallies

The Kallies, the quintessential Kalșerian sitcom. Broadcast on KalCom 1.

  • Donald Percy "Don" Fisher (Ed Ligotski), the father, owner of a car repair shop in Roniem County, Kalúen. Bumbling, out of touch, not aware of the world outside Kalșeri, but lovable and determined. He hates restrictions of any kind, and just wants to drink beer and listen to Steely Dan.
  • Lorraine "Lori" Fisher (Francine Liebermann), the mother. Caring, often mindful of the situation, but tends to overreact.
  • James "Jimmy" Fisher (Andrew Ely), the older son. Socially awkward, not fit for physical activity, has a number of hobbies.
  • Andrew "Andy" Fisher (Chris Marino), the second child. Rebellious, does not care for school, wants to get out of the Kalșerian countryside.
  • April Fisher (Liz Quinton), the youngest of the family. Caustic, witty, always prepared to comment on whatever happens around and to her with brutal honesty.
  • Holtan Mídasi (Osvaldus Gangi), the Fishers' Kalhan-speaking neighbor. Insists on doing everything on his own, even things he's not very good at.
  • Douglas Everson (Will O'Reary), Don's friend from high school. Outgoing, but tends to flare up when politics is on the line.

Airing from 1986 to 2009, the show's characters change throughout the series, as they do in real life. What sets The Kallies apart from similar sitcoms is the lack of canned laughter. The show ended in 2009, after declining ratings and the sudden death of Ed Ligotski. In 2012, the series Jimmy premiered, focusing on Jimmy Fisher and his new family.

Several guest stars throughout the years, including PM Phil Garner.

Kalșerian TV channels

  • KalCom 1 (English, national channel, general interest. Formerly RNK. National announcements are broadcast here.) 1949.
  • KalCom 2 (English, general interest. Once used for content deemed "not good enough" for KalCom 1. Also features news segments concerning cantons.) 1962.
  • KalCom 3 (Kalhan, general interest.) 1967, after complaints from the Ralahalia that not enough content was in Kalhan.
  • Kalșerian Broadcasting Company (KBC, English. Born as a rival to what was then the RNK, the KBC touts more access to sports that aren't hockey or soccer.) 1954.
  • Ronhem-Arkasare (RH, Kalhan. The first Kalhan-only TV channel.) 1960s?
  • Eldridge Broadcasting (EB, English, mostly talk shows and other such personality-driven shows, also home to witty animated programs.) 1987, following the resignation of Bob Eldridge from the KBC board of directors, after the KBC rejected an animated program that he defended.
  • be5 (Kalhan, general interest. Born as a nationwide answer to KalCom 3 and URB/FANG.) 1989.
  • linqtv (Mixed-language, CC available in both languages. Focuses on urban life, sometimes documenting what other channels don't want to talk about... Also home to the TV edition of the satirical National Toilet Paper.) 2003.
  • JCTN (formerly John Connolly Television Network, mixed-language. Home of obscure shows and movies, often from abroad, as well as odd game shows that generally don't last very long.) 1974.
  • The Ninth (Mixed-language, CC available in both languages. News with little frills, airs some niche thrillers, surprisingly funny when it wants to be.) 2009, joint venture between Times of Kalșeri and Discovery. Formerly Windstar.
  • Falcon News (English. Right-wing news and talk shows. Take EB's hints at conservatism and give them some steroids, basically! Echo TV until 2021.) 2004.
  • URB/FANG (mixed-language.) Really just a collection of regional channels. 1966.

Political alignment:

  • KalCom: officially neutral, but they have been routinely accused of being pro-government.
  • KBC: center, neo-liberal.
  • Ronhem: center, pro-Kalhan, pro-Raladure
  • EB: center, leaning right.
  • be5: center? they just deliver quick news and call it a day. be5 thinks the Raladure is a bunch of nerds.
  • URB/FANG: it's mostly local news, so who cares?
  • linqtv: left, with a healthy dose of anti-establishment.
  • JCTN: they don't even have a news segment.
  • The Ninth: "both sides are wrong, jsyk."
  • Falcon News: right-wing, pro-M4A (often pro-Trump, as well), with a side serving of COVID-denial.

Would your grandma watch the following?

  • KalCom: maybe, especially if she doesn't know how – or can't be bothered – to change the channel.
  • KBC: if she is married to a sports fan, or she is a sports fan herself.
  • Ronhem: if she can't stand those improper enkalia that ruin the noble Kalhan tongue.
  • EB: if she hates filters and uncertain terms.
  • be5: if she thinks the other Kalhan programming is made out of pure 1935.
  • URB/FANG: if she just wants to know what her town is up to.
  • linqtv: if she was politically active in the 1970s for women's rights and such.
  • JCTN: if there's a soap opera from abroad on.
  • The Ninth: if she's an executive.
  • Falcon News: if she's a Rovuanist.

Call signs in Kalșeri

Z4XYY-TT

Z4 (also Z5, Z6, Z7) is the ITU prefix for Kalșerian broadcasting stations, X is a letter denoting the canton of operation, YY is a random two-letter combination and TT is a suffix denoting the type of broadcasting. In informal speech and in branding, the ITU prefix is usually dropped, so Z4EVL-TV is usually referred to as EVL-TV.

Canton Letter
Cartier Island A
Chalmersville B
New Kerry and Cape Sundervale C
Evalria E
Janval J
Kalúen K
Lág L
New Lothian N
San Rafael R
Tigupoke S
Takalim T
Urgel U
National channels Z

General scheme: Z4 is used for television channels, Z5 for civilian radio stations, Z6 is used for repeaters, Z7 is used for military equipment. Of course, exceptions exist.

Examples

  • Z4EVL-TV (KBC affiliate in Evlaira)
  • Z5NHX-FM (Harts FM)
  • Z6ZKW-TV (KalCom1 repeater in Western Kalúen)

1935 Lennoxton trials

A series of trials held throughout 1935 in Lennoxton, Takalim to determine the guilt of Ioen Rovuan's closest advisors. There were six judges: four from Kalșeri – Sníus Meklán, Andrew Biggie, Seymour Coxbourne, John Lewis Taylor – and two from the United Kingdom – Lord Richard J. Pettyridge, and Gerald Bosworth-Tyrrell.

The trials and the other dispositions are legally called Kalșerian Republic v. Richard Kehrig et al.

Defendants could be sentenced for two counts:

  1. Setting up and maintaining Ioen Rovuan's regime;
  2. Waging war against the United Kingdom.
Defendant Count 1 Count 2 Sentence Notes
Richard Kehrig Guilty – 20 years Minister of Popular Culture during Ioen Rovuan's presidency. Ordered the establishment of the National Radio and thought up several censorship and lèse-majesté laws.
Mikaél Hoegi – Guilty 5 years Minister of Reunification during Ioen Rovuan's presidency. Planned the invasion of Cape Sundervale. Released after seven years due to ill health. Died on June 19, 1963.
Jorj Tarson – Guilty Acquitted Admiral of the Kalșerian Navy. Acquitted due to his role in the resistance.
Torvald Vankius – Guilty Acquitted General of the Kalșerian Army. Acquitted due to his role in the resistance.
Ioséf K. Roniem Guilty Guilty Death Chief of the National Police Force. Ordered the persecution and public humiliation of political opponents.
John Fenway Cotts Guilty Guilty Death Double agent in Cape Sundervale for Ioen Rovuan. Helped Mikaél Hoegi plan the invasion of Cape Sundervale.
Antonius Vongi Guilty – Death Chief Justice of the paralegal National Resurrection Authority, which existed during the presidencies of Ioen Rovuan and Tomas U. Lerfe. Regularly sentenced political opponents to torture as punishment for their action.
Andrew Sadey – Guilty 10 years Head of the failed Cape Sundervale expedition through the Shanwell Strait. Routinely harassed uncooperative soldiers. Released three years into his sentence due to ill health. Died on March 7, 1939.
Navan Tórgisi – Indicted ħ5,000 Head of the planned Cape Sundervale expedition through King's Gate, which was aborted.
Henry Chandler I Guilty – 10 years Representative, brother of Ioen Rovuan. Authored the Presidency Act of 1933, which removed most restrictions from the office of President of Kalșeri. Released in 1946 as scheduled, died in 1968.
Holtan Șógisi Guilty – 5 years Journalist, founder of the pro-Ioen Rovuan Lennoxton Republican. Libelled major opponents of Ioen Rovuan by spreading false accusations. The newspaper was closed shortly after the trials.
Julius Ólorsi Indicted – Acquitted Minister of Internal Affairs during Ioen Rovuan's presidency. Ordered the Kalhanization of place names, the posting of pro-Ioen Rovuan manifestos and the construction of statues of Ioen Rovuan throughout the country; only the first one was effectively carried out.
Noșius Malle Guilty – 5 years Minister of Foreign Affairs during Ioen Rovuan's presidency. Arranged the expulsion of several high-profile political opponents from Kalșeri and planned an invasion of Newfoundland.
Ionas Koșagi Guilty – ħ5,000 Journalist, founder of the pro-Ioen Rovuan New Evalrian Gazette, Ambassador to Italy from 1932 to 1934. Koșagi was expelled from the Evalrian Order of Journalists, and the newspaper was closed shortly after the trials.
Abelardus Jálagi Guilty – 5 years Minister of Education during Ioen Rovuan's presidency. Planned to set up a cult of Ioen Rovuan in schools, made membership in the Young National Corps mandatory, planned to create several re-education camps for political opponents.
James Horry Guilty Guilty Life imprisonment Journalist, founder of the pro-Ioen Rovuan Cape Sundervale Morning Star. Leaked several hidden acces points to Cape Sundervale to Ioen Rovuan. The newspaper was closed shortly after the trials.
Charles Boix Rossell – Indicted Acquitted General of the Kalșerian Air Force, Minister of War during Ioen Rovuan's presidency. Accused of planning the invasion and bombing of Cape Sundervale, Boix Rossell was acquitted due to lack of evidence.

The executions were carried out by hanging, using the long drop, on January 18, 1937 in the Takalim Cantonal Correctional Facility in Manning County, near Martinsville.

Other dispositions were adopted:

  • The National Resurrection Authority was dissolved and its reactivation was banned.
  • The Movement for Action was to undergo ten years of police monitoring.

Social Insurance Code

The Social Insurace Code (SIC; Kalhan: Giasívirdokodeks, GSK) is the national identification number of Kalșeri. First codified in 1981, the bill introducing the code was signed into law in 1984; adoption of the SIC was not widespread until the early 1990s.

The Code is a unique eighteen-character alphanumeric string. According to federal law, all Kalșerian citizens and foreigners living in Kalșeri for more than two years are entitled to a SIC. When stating their SIC, bearers are required by law to back up their answer by showing a valid identification document that contains a picture of the bearer.

The Social Insurance Card (colloquially the SIC Card) bears the code of the individual it is issued to on the front, and the back of the card contains a list of important physical and mental conditions that the bearer has, and the seal or logo of the Department of Health of the issuing Canton.

Structure

The Social Insurance code is composed of seven elements:

  1. the first three consonants of the bearer's last name:
    1. If the last name has fewer than three consonants, all of the consonants are added first, and then the remaining slots are filled with as many vowels as necessary. The Kalhan letter Ș is rendered as X.
    2. If the last name has fewer than three characters, the remaining characters will be Z.
  2. the first three consonants of the bearer's first name (the provisions listed above are also applied here);
  3. the last two digits of the year of birth;
  4. a letter for the month of birth:
    1. J for January, F for February, M for March, A for April, Y for May, U for June, L for July, G for August, S for September, C for October, N for November and D for December.
  5. the two digits of the day of birth;
  6. the municipal code of the place of birth (one letter representing the canton followed by three digits);
    1. For foreign-born citizens, the municipal code starts with Z.
  7. the gender indicator (M for males, F for females, X for non-binary or transitioning code holders);
    1. X as a gender indicator was added in 2018.
  8. the sum of all digits.

Should the resulting code already be in use, a distinguishing letter is added. M, F and X are not used as distinguishing letters.

Examples

For instance, the SIC of a man called John Smith, born on January 1, 1990 in Uslar, Evalria, would be SMTJHN90J01E008M18, assuming that no John Smith born in the same place and on January 1 of either 1890 or 1990 has claimed the code.

Archibald Hayworth, first president of Kalșeri, was used by the Government as an example to explain how the code is calculated: had he been alive by the time the SIC was introduced, his code would have been HWRRCH31L12K054M16.

Cantonal stuff

Mottos

  • Cape Sundervale: Into Your hands I commit My Spirit (Luke 23:46)
  • Cartier Island: Je sers (French; "I serve")
  • Chalmersville: Inseparabilis et indomitus (Latin; "Inseparable and unsubdued")
  • Evalria: Audemus (Latin; "We dare")
  • Janval: Das Herz lügt nicht (German; "The heart does not lie")
  • Lág: Umiltà e determinazione (Italian; "Humility and determination")
  • Kalúen: Acta, non verba (Latin; "Deeds, not words")
  • New Kerry: For our homeland
  • New Lothian: All for my land
  • San Rafael: Trabajo y Providencia (Spanish; "Work and Providence")
  • Takalim: Ελευθερία ή θάνατος (Greek; "Freedom or death")
  • Tigupoke: Simplex et sincerus (Latin; "Simple and sincere")
  • Urgel: Industry

Name etymologies

  • Cape Sundervale: James Theseus Sundervale, baron Sundervale, who served as first Governor of the Territory.
  • Cartier Island: after Jacques Cartier, who first discovered the island in 1534.
  • Chalmersville: Andrew Chalmers, Minister of Internal Affairs, 1783–1789.
  • Evalria: eșan falseria, i.e. the three obelisks built at the behest of Rovuan the Conqueror.
  • Janval: disputed.
  1. Corruption of janhal, "hill country".
  2. Dervied from Șin Wallis (New Valais).
  3. Corruption of Jaronhal, "place of [the] Jarron [river]".
  • Kalúen: from the homonymous river, itself probably derived from kailia-lun, "flatland of the quails"
  • Lág: dervied from the ancient pre-colonial kingdom of Lág, in turn derived from the name of the tribe that established it; this name was in turn derived from flagia, "the tribe of the flatlands".
  • New Kerry: popular name for the territory by its inhabitans, as the landscape resembled that of County Kerry in Ireland; it was officially acknowledged for the first time by Edward Clanachan, one of the signatories of the 1778 Kalșerian Delcaration of Independence.
  • New Lothian: unofficial name given to the territory by Scottish immigrants; it was made official in 1794, with the Carnafarry Statute.
  • Quincollia: from quinque colles, Latin for "five hills".
  • San Rafael: from the Cathedral of Saint Raphael in Loskaf, named this way because it allegedly held its first mass on October 24, 1545.
  • Tigupoke: Miꞌkmaq tgupoq, "bubbling spring".
  • Takalim: takhaliem, "mountain of the limestone place".
  • Urgel: urigiahal, "place of the young tribe".

Nicknames

  • Cape Sundervale: The Little Big Canton
  • Cartier Island: The Ocean Canton
  • Chalmersville: The Gulf Canton
  • Evalria: The One and Only (official), The Kremlin Canton
  • Janval: The Volunteer Canton (official), The Cheese Canton
  • Kalúen: The Great Plains Canton (official), The Night Life Canton
  • Lág: The Grassland Canton
  • New Kerry: The Emerald Canton
  • New Lothian: The Land of Wonder
  • San Rafael: The Pleiades Canton
  • Tigupoke: The Simple Life Canton
  • Takalim: The Limestone Canton
  • Urgel: The Three Waters Canton

Quincollia has yet to adopt a nickname.

Kalșerian car brands

Active

Company Founded Founder Headquarters CEO Types of vehicles Parent company
Wilheimer 1899 John F. Wilheimer I Westphalia, LG Ryan Wilheimer (since 2017) Mid-size, compact and subcompact cars WilMeck Inc.
Cassini Motors 1946 Aurelio Cassini Siena, TK James O'Feeney Sports cars WilMeck, Inc. (17.8%)
Mecklenburger Trucks 1919 J. Edward Schwarzkopf Rișen, LG Iákomus Ólorsi Buses, minibuses, multi-stop trucks, pickup trucks, tow trucks and vans WilMeck Inc.
Preston Motors 1900 Thomas P. Preston New Smyrna, TK Steve Yeats Full-size cars, limousines WilMeck Inc.
Rinascita Motor Company 2018 Joseph McIntyre Aduomka, NL Dave Hankel Electric compact cars, subcompact cars and roadsters McIntyre Investment Group
Bykerk Auto Works 1997 Steve Bykerk Folkestone, TK Steve Bykerk Sports cars and supercars Independent
Rodeo Beach Cars 1966 Rolandus Iengi Allentown, KL Teodora Iengi Dune buggies, custom cars Independent
Calanserica Motor Group 1936 Government of Kalșeri Aitkenville, LG Pete Fabbri Full-size, mid-size and compact cars, SUVs, pickup trucks Government of Kalșeri (1936–1991)
Independent (1991–2010)
Green Hills Capital (2010–present)
Stag 1904 Edward Stanley Hart Aitkenville, LG Sherman Johnstone Full-size and mid-size cars Calanserica Motor Group
Alwyn 1902 Joseph Alwyn Aitkenville, LG Patricia Watt Mid-size, compact and subcompact cars Calanserica Motor Group
Knight 1919 Edmond Quigley Goldshore, KL Jon Sturridge Full-size cars and SUVs Calanserica Motor Group
Lowden 1926 William Knotts Geeseekulkoo, LN Doug DeLuigi Pick-up trucks Calanserica Motor Group
Urigi 1913 Demostenes Urigi Ebsdorf, JV Tom May Trucks and trolleybuses Independent

Calanserica Motor Group: founded by the Government to inject new life into struggling brands and bring order in the wild market. Privatized in 1991 by the Garner Government, avoided bankruptcy with an acquisition by Green Hills Capital in 2010.

Defunct

Company Founded Founder Headquarters Last CEO Types of vehicles Parent company Folded Fate
Griston-Hazelton Cars 1901 Gideon Griston and Richard Hazelton Hartleyville, LN Joseph McIntyre Compact cars
Rebadged Opel cars		 General Motors (1947–2006) 2006 Brand retired in favor of Opel
Sagitta Motors 1913 Hugh DenUyl Percy, KL Roger Dodd Full-size cars Independent 1975 Acquired by Preston Motors
Cortés 1906 Robert Phibbs Sappejahamick, EV Carl Phibbs Full-size cars Independent (1906–1936)
Calanserica Motor Groups (1936–1937)		 1937 Brand retired in favor of Stag
Wylie 1911 J. Ernest Wylie Cowhill, TG J. Ernest Wylie Full-size cars Independent (1911–1936)
Calanserica Motor Groups (1936–1943)		 1943 Brand retired in favor of Stag
Spada Motors 1910 Antonino Spada Sr. Hampshire, EV Antonino Spada Jr. Compact cars Independent (1910–1936)
Calanserica Motor Groups (1936–1951)		 1951 Brand retired in favor of Alwyn
Mountaineer Trucks 1918 Gideon McCulloch Eustace, QN Gideon McCulloch Pickup trucks, buses Independent (1918–1936)
Calanserica Motor Groups (1936–1941)		 1941 Brand retired in favor of Lowden

Kalșerian universities

Multi-cantonal

The following universities have at least one campus in several cantons.

Name Headquarters Founded Language Type Religious affiliation
(historical)		 Focus Nickname Colors
Finisterra University Land's End, Kalúen
Finisterra, Tigupoke		 1821 English
Kalhan		 Private Church of Kalșeri General interest Seafarers          
Italian University of Kalșeri Siena, Takalim
Piombino, Lág		 1916 English
Italian		 Private Catholic General interest Gladiators                    

Cape Sundervale

Name Headquarters Founded Language Type Religious affiliation
(historical)		 Focus Nickname Colors
Sundronian University Kingsport, Cape Sundervale 1795 English Public Anglican General interest Crimson          
Cape Sundervale Cantonal University Lily, Cape Sundervale 1858 English
Kalhan		 Public Nonsectarian General interest Golden Eagles          
Polytechnic University of Cape Sundervale Holbrook, Cape Sundervale 1933 English Public Nonsectarian Science, technology, engineering, and mathematics Bobcats               
Kalhan National University at Kingsport Kingsport, Cape Sundervale 1993 Kalhan Public Nonsectarian Liberal arts Bolts          

Cartier Island

Name Headquarters Founded Language Type Religious affiliation
(historical)		 Focus Nickname Colors
University of Cartier Island Henriville, Cartier Island 1803 French
English
Kalhan		 Public Nonsectarian General interest Dukes (Ducs)          
Augé University Plage-Royale, Cartier Island 1829 French Private Catholic Liberal arts Cyclones               
Cartier Island Institute of Technology Plage-Royale, Cartier Island 1835 French
English
Kalhan		 Public Nonsectarian Science, technology, engineering, and mathematics Peregrines (Pèlerins)               
North Cartier Island University Dax, Cartier Island 1846 French Public Nonsectarian General interest Lancers (Lanciers)          
Kalhan National University at Henriville Henriville, Cartier Island 1857 Kalhan Public Nonsectarian Liberal arts Wolfpack (Meute)          
Forster University Baie-de-Chanvel, Cartier Island 1879 English
French		 Private Anglican General interest Hedgehogs (Hérissons)     
New Alderney University Pinède, Cartier Island 1902 French
English
Kalhan		 Private Church of Kalșeri General interest Barons               

Chalmersville

+ University of Chalmersville (Raiders)
+ CoK (Rams)
+ Catholic
+ STEM
+ Liberal arts
+ Protestant
+ Kalhan National University at Norwich

Evalria

Name Location Founded Language Type Religious affiliation
(historical)		 Focus Nickname Colors
University of Evalria Sappejahamick, Evalria 1769 English
Kalhan		 Public Nonsectarian General interest Cosmos          
National University of New Leeds Hampshire, Evalria 1783 English
Kalhan		 Public Nonsectarian General interest Blue Hounds          
Pan-Evalrian University Hampshire, Evalria 1791 English Private Anglican Liberal arts Lionhearts               
Sellers-Casey University Tașarél, Evalria 1823 English Private Nonsectarian Economics and mathematics Suns          
St. Mary's College of Evalria Maryshill, Evalria 1831 English Private Catholic Liberal arts Br'ers     
University of Western Evalria Uslar, Evalria 1839 English Private Nonsectarian General interest Riverhawks               
Gilpin University Hampshire, Evalria 1844 Kalhan Private Church of Kalșeri Liberal arts Dragons          
Evalrian Academy of Beautiful Arts Sappejahamick, Evalria 1856 English
Kalhan		 Private Nonsectarian Visual and performing arts -          
Kalhan National University at Evanstown Evanstown, Evalria 1857 Kalhan Private Catholic Liberal arts Hornets          
Evalria Institute of Technology Gwastatir, Evalria 1881 English
Kalhan		 Private Nonsectarian Science, technology, engineering, and mathematics Titans               
Pontifical University of Evalria Maryshill, Evalria 1893 English
Kalhan		 Private pontifical Catholic Liberal arts -          

Janval

+ University of Janval (Devils)
+ CoK (Hillstars)
+ Catholic (Javvers)
+ STEM (Coyotes)
+ Liberal arts
+ Bremen
+ Gulfport
+ North Janval
+ Baptist
+ Northern Development
+ Agricultural School
+ German-backed
+ Kalhan National University at Calvary Hill
+ Kalhan National University at Hutchinson (Éfongia)
+ Kalhan National University at Gulfport
+ Kalhan National University at Bremen

Kalúen

Name Location Founded Language Type Religious affiliation
(historical)		 Focus Nickname Colors
University of Kalúen at Percy Percy, Kalúen 1777 English
Kalúen		 Public Nonsectarian General interest Rovers          
Rosby Bay University Rosby, Kalúen 1794 English
Kalúen		 Private Nonsectarian General interest Panthers          
University of Kalúen at Goldshore Goldshore, Kalúen 1819 English Public Nonsectarian General interest Bears          
Nelson University Stevesland, Kalúen 1836 English Private Church of Kalșeri General interest Wildcats               
University of Kalúen at Hayworthsville Hayworthsville, Kalúen 1841 English
Kalúen		 Public Nonsectarian General interest Spartans          
University of Kalúen at Maidstone Maidstone, Kalúen 1848 English
Kalúen		 Public Nonsectarian General interest Minutemen          
Kalhan National University at Falșak Falșak, Kalúen 1857 Kalhan Public Nonsectarian Liberal arts Aardvarks          
Kalhan National University at Percy Percy, Kalúen 1857 Kalhan Public Nonsectarian Liberal arts Bullfrogs          
Kalhan National University at Goldshore Goldshore, Kalúen 1857 Kalhan Public Nonsectarian Liberal arts Owls          
Kalhan National University at Watermill Watermill, Kalúen 1857 Kalhan Public Nonsectarian Liberal arts Stunners          
Sayooville University Sayooville, Kalúen 1858 English Private Nonsectarian General interest Wranglers          
Watkins University Hayworthsville, Kalúen 1861 English Private Nonsectarian General interest Gauchos and Lady Gauchos          
University of Kalúen at Chester Chester, Kalúen 1866 English
Kalúen		 Public Nonsectarian General interest Tritons          
University of Kalúen at Pritchard Pritchard, Kalúen 1873 English
Kalúen		 Public Nonsectarian General interest Marauders          
Kalúen Polytechnic University Maidstone, Kalúen 1885 English
Kalhan		 Public Nonsectarian Science, technology, engineering, and mathematics Gophers          
Daugherty Agrarian College Maidstone, Kalúen 1952 English Private Nonsectarian Agriculture, biology Cowboys and Cowgirls          

+ Thyssen (Lutheran)
+ Barlow (Baptist)
+ Kalhan National University at Falșak
+ Kalhan National University at Percy
+ Kalhan National University at Goldshore
+ Kalhan National University at Watermill
+ Eastern Kalúen Rural Development College (Hunter, Edo County, KL) + Western Kalúen Rural Development College (Preston, Roniem Beach County, KL)

Lág

+ University of Lág-Branbury (Hurricanes)
+ University of Lág-Rișen (Flatlanders)
+ University of Lág-Piombino (Green Knights)
+ University of Lág-Emin (Mean Grean)
+ University of Lág-Cavantown (Elks)
+ University of Lág-Clovis
+ Northern Lág College (Symington)
+ Lágan Atlantic University (Stonebridge)
+ Catholic (north)
+ Catholic (south)
+ CoK
+ Lutheran
+ Agrarian
+ STEM
+ Affordable university in the Belt
+ Kalhan National University at Westphalia

New Kerry

+ UoNK Carnafarry (Blue Jays)
+ UoNK Treetoor (Panthers)
+ UoNK Achill County
+ Catholic
+ CoK
+ Anglican
+ Kalhan National University at Carnafarry
+ Agrarian
+ STEM
+ Finleyton
+ Treetoor
+ Cranston + Pontifical university

New Lothian

+ UoLN Hartleyville (Skyblues)
+ UoLN Nuiarél (Warriors)
+ UoLN Varșvai (Hares)
+ CoK
+ Catholic
+ Agrarian
+ STEM
+ Kalhan National University at Hartleyville
+ Bayside University (Garry, LN)

Quincollia

+ UoQ (Mountaineers)
+ CoK (New Cromartyshire)
+ Catholic
+ Baptist
+ Agrarian
+ STEM
+ Kalhan National University at Vemín

San Rafael

+ UoSR Las Encinas (Snow Leopards)
+ UoSR Loskaf (Blue Wave)
+ CoK
+ Catholic
+ Baptist
+ Agrarian
+ STEM
+ Kalhan National University at Entre Colinas
+ Kalhan National University at Cecilton
+ Jardines

Takalim

Name Location Founded Type Religious affiliation
(historical)		 Focus Nickname Colors
University of Takalim at Lennoxton Lennoxton, Takalim 1779 Public Nonsectarian General interest Tigers               
University of Takalim at Siena Siena, Takalim 1803 Public Nonsectarian General interest Roosters               
University of Takalim at Folkestone Folkestone, Takalim 1803 Public Nonsectarian General interest Bison               
University of Takalim at Quaint Quaint, Takalim 1832 Public Nonsectarian General interest Knights               
Takalese Rural College System Murphyville, Takalim
Folkestone, Takalim		 1857 Private Nonsectarian Agriculture, biology TRCS Bulls          
University of Takalim at Hot Springs Hot Springs, Takalim 1879 Public Nonsectarian General interest Chiefs               
Polytechnic School of Takalim Lennoxton, Takalim 1895 Public Nonsectarian Science, technology, engineering, and mathematics Badgers          

+ Church of Kalșeri Lennoxton, Almeria, Sherwin
+ Lutheran
+ Gannville
+ Mount Takal University (Ryderton)
+ Addison
+ Catholic
+ Inverness
+ Kalhan National University at Babbidgeville
+ Kalhan National University at Sawmills
+ Kalhan National University at Folkestone

Tigupoke

+ UTig Cowhill (Rustlers)
+ UTig Cape Scorpion (Cougars)
+ CoK (Forsyth County)
+ Catholic
+ Baptist
+ Agrarian+STEM
+ Kalhan National University at Cowhill
+ Cape Scorpion

Urgel

+ UoUR St. Adrian (Red Lions)
+ UoUR Whiteriver
+ UoUR Bournemouth
+ UoUR New Sparta
+ UoUR Caesarea
+ CoK Haverton
+ CoK Breckinridge
+ Catholic
+ Baptist
+ Agrarian+STEM
+ Kalhan National University at St. Adrian
+ Kalhan National University at Mendie
+ Kalhan National University at Ipswich
+ Exeter

Conferences

  • Capital Conference (Sundronian, UoCI, UChalm, UoEV, New Leeds, UJ, UKal-Percy, ULG-Branbury, UoNK-Carns, UoLN-Harts, UQ, USR-Las Encinas, UTak-Lex, Tak Poly, UTig-Cowhill, Urgel-St. Adrian)
  • North Kalhan league (add non-KNU Kalhan-speaking universities)
  • South Kalhan league (add non-KNU Kalhan-speaking universities)
  • North (CI, CS, NK)
  • Takalim
  • Central (EV, LG, CH)
  • SR, UR
  • LN, QN, Eastern Kalúen
  • Western Kalúen, JV, TG
  • Conference for fancy private colleges
  • Catholic conference
  • Church of Kalșeri

NCAA equivalent: seeded 64-team tournament for each discipline

Disciplines:

  • association football
  • baseball (men)
  • basketball
  • gridiron football
  • ice hockey
  • martial arts
  • rowing
  • softball (women)
  • swimming and diving
  • tennis
  • track and field
  • volleyball
  • wrestling (men)

Kalșerian order of precedence

  1. The President (Jim Babich)
  2. The Vice President (Maia Filisi)
  3. Former Presidents, in order of election:
    1. Phil Garner (1989–1999)
    2. Alejandra Ríos Soriano (1999–2004)
    3. Robert Havlichek (2004–2009)
    4. Sebastianus Linș (2009–2014)
    5. Maksimilianus Ureska (2014–2021)
  4. The High Summoner (Diego Y. Morelos)
  5. The President of the Senate (Lisa Smithson)
  6. The President pro tempore of the Senate (Filippus Narasi)
  7. Former High Summoners, in order of appointment
    1. Pete Garnier (1982–1987)
    2. Thomas Bachmann (1987–1992)
    3. Dave Robbins (1992–1997)
    4. Quentin Cosworth (1997–2007)
    5. John Y. Kegg (2007–2012)
    6. Cassandra Newell (2012–2020)
  8. Perpetual High Councillors who are not former Presidents
  9. Members of the Presidential Cabinet
  10. The Chief Justice of Kalșeri (Thomas Haufer)
  11. Associate justices of the Supreme Court of Kalșeri, in order of appointment
  12. Retired chief justices
  13. Retired associate justices of the Supreme Court
  14. Senators
  15. Representatives
  16. Ambassadors to and from Kalșeri
  17. Governors of cantons
  18. Former governors
  19. Members of the cantonal legislature
  20. Mayors
  21. Former mayors
  22. Members of the municipal legislature
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